Another day


Hello my fellow bloggers and followers:

It has been a while since I have written an entry on my blog, many things have happened since my last writing.

Unfortunately I do not have easy access to a computer today this would be why my writings have become less, I have been very depressed lately and seems that since I have moved out of Colin’s and into my own apartment which I am happy about however, it has become very difficult to make ends meet, still not having a couch in my living room to sit on no area rug and barely making ends meet with my food supply and electric bill.

Since March 2013 when my physiotherapy began I have had to go on  public assistance which pays me $757.00/month my rent is $850.00 and unemployment was paying me $119.00 per week so you can see how much of a struggle this has become for me.

Due to the issues with past room-mates I refuse to move in with any others and Colin’s place (my former room-mate) that is not an option whatsoever due to hygiene issues and many other things. I will be looking into getting some form of a financial settlement from the city transit department due to their negligence earlier this year that put me in physiotherapy to begin with.

I will be writing in my blog again very soon with updates.

Take care my friends

Recent updates


Hello my fellow bloggers and followers:

It has been a while since I have written on my blog, I have been so busy and many things have happened to me in the past month or so not to mention my stress level has been on the uprise for the last week.

In January I don’t know if I told you about this but I was in an accident with a transit bus, I was also in the process of moving into my apartment at the end of January 2013 after having been in women’s shelter for approx one month it sure was nice to have my independence, live my life alone with my cats as I really do enjoy my company.

Two weeks into February 2013 we all had a surprise in our call centre, the general manager gave all of us without having any notice what so ever was closing down the call centre immediately, this was our last shift I have to tell you I was not in the least bit impressed so here I was just having moved into my apartment I’m beside myself so what do I do now?.

Other than being stressed out wondering what I am going to do, not knowing how I am going to pay rent, put food on the table, have a bus pass and I am unable to work due to this accident as I have physiotherapy three times per week for the last two months now, today I have had close to fourteen treatments of physiotherapy with no signs of physiotherapy ending anytime in the future and now that I am unable to work for an extended period and have had to apply for unemployment insurance which, turns out, will only be paying me $119 per week for fifteen weeks not to mention that social assistance will have to cover almost everything at this time.

I also forgot to mention that the owner of the building that I moved into in February 2013 well he plans to hike up the rent yet another $50.00 needless to say I am not very happy to say the least. I am  frustrated about many things it always seems to me that when I take a few steps ahead I get further behind.

The danger of neglect


When I was working at my previous job in the call centre we were all given this article to read I had found it interesting, when I had finished reading it I thought to myself this is true and thought I would share this with all of my fellow bloggers.

The things that are easy to do are also easy not to do.The primary reason many people are not doing as well as they could and should summed up in a single word. Neglect.

It is not the lack of money, banks are full of money, It is not the lack of opportunity, as we continue to offer the most unprecedented and abundant opportunities of any nation in the last six thousand years of recorded history. It is not the lack of books, libraries are full of books and they are free, It is not the schools, the classrooms are full of teachers we also have plenty of ministers, leaders, counsellors and advisors.

Everything we would ever need to become rich, powerful and sophisticated is within our reach. The major reason that so few take advantage of all that we have is, simply, neglect. The things that are easy to do are also easy not to do. That is how subtle failure is.
Failure is largely neglect. We fail to do small things that we should do, and this seemingly insignificant license carries over to those things that are important to do. Small neglects have a way of becoming major oversights with the passage of enough times.

Neglect is like an infection Left unchecked it will spread throughout our entire system of disciplines and eventually lead to a complete breakdown of a potentially joy filled and prosperous human life.

Not doing the things we know we should do causes us to feel guilty and guilt leads to erosion of self-confidence. As our self-confidence diminishes, so does the level of our activity. And as our activity diminishes, our results inevitably decline, And as our results suffer, our attitude begins the slow shift from positive to negative, our self-confidence diminishes even more. Failure to do the things that we could and should do results in a negative spiral which once started, is difficult to stop.

A continuation of last nights weblog


It is Monday and so emotionally drained very tired and stressed out because of what happened yesterday at my old apartment having the locks changed so I was not able to move my belongings out how convenient was that. As a result of this issue yesterday I will now have to get the police involved if this goes on for much longer this is something that I was hoping would not happen instead I was hoping to resolve this without any further issues but, yet again it seems that this is all about power and control and have to tell you I am sick and tired of this as well as these stupid mind games that people play. I will now have to take more time off to deal with all this nonsense of moving.
On the brighter side I will be getting my children back very soon and hopefully into a regular routine where I will be able to get to bed at a decent hour and get back to doing some reading before my bedtime getting a good nights rest and having a small breakfast in the morning before heading off to work.
I have plans in the very near future to get out and go to comedy clubs, out for dinners with a friend I have met here in shelter she is a woman from India her and I get along quite well and we are sharing the same room in shelter perhaps in the future we might travel together to Banff go sightseeing and stay a few days so I am truly looking forward to doing many things, meeting new people and making new friends all part of a new chapter in my life.

The end of the weekend update


This past weekend has been all full of up’s and down’s Saturday was not too bad, I had many things to do like my banking, getting ready to move into my new apartment and I think the most stressful thing I had to do is go back to the apartment where I used to live with Colin, I had felt very anxious and nervous not knowing what to expect upon entering. Much to my surprise I was happy to find no-one at home and the reason I say that is simply because all Colin and I have done is fighting and arguing and that kind of stress is something that I can do without as I’m stressed out enough, anyway I finished doing some packing but started to get tired a couple of hours later so I was planning on coming back on Sunday to finish off all my packing and so I took a taxi home and went upstairs to get some rest.
Sunday however was anything but a pleasurable experience the first part of my day was great had plans to go up and see my new landlord do inspection and get my keys which I did no problem then I called some movers that were recommended by the shelter staff they showed up at the apartment complex and we went up to the apartment much to my surprise when I tried all of my keys none of them worked so I was locked out! There are no words to express how I was feeling but you can just about imagine so I called the landlord and she explained to me that if I was not on the lease which I was not there was nothing that she could do except for me to call the police which is going to cause me more of a headache than I already have so that’s exactly what I did.
I will have to continue part two of this story tomorrow as I am getting very tired.
Goodnight everyone

Updates for the week


Hello everyone:
Well, I am extremely happy now, the last time I wrote in my blog I had many things up in the air not knowing which end is up.
I was able to get my apartment a one bedroom that excepts my children (the kids Keenie and Weston). The landlord is very nice and is very strict regarding bylaws meaning that it has to be quiet in the building after a certain time which I like, he will also not tolerate any late night parties which I am very happy about, needless to say I am very anxious to be moving/getting settled in my own place. I am also looking into getting movers in the near future and to be reunited with my children.
I recently spoke with one of the ladies at the pet resort and Keenie and Weston are doing great it almost makes me wonder if my children will even want to come home after having so much fun at the pet resort, I am just glad the kids are happy and since they are it gives me peace of mind, needless to say I will have no problem in the future taking my cats back out to the resort should I need to leave town or something comes up. Country Club Pet Resort if you are interested to learn more here is the link http://www.countryclub-petresort.com/.
I also had an appointment with the worker for Income support today (she comes to shelter every week) and I was able to get the funding that I needed to move into my new place so everything thankfully is falling into place and will finally be able to have some normalicy in my life and get on a regular sleep routine all I need to do now is get my furniture (two of my bookcases, bed, file cabinet, dresser drawers,high boy and my chair in the bedroom and get my boxes that have been packed from months ago brought over to my new house and and give the landlord my money and will get the keys hopefully soon.

Friday a good day and a brighter future ahead


Hello everyone:
Well, It is now Saturday Jan 12th and here I am on the computer at 3AM unable to sleep because I am so excited, I am hoping that I will have some good news later today.
After all this fiasco of being in shelter, juggling work and many other things now on my plate I think that the end is near and soon to be reunited with my children Keenie and Weston (the cats) I miss them terribly.
I spoke with one of the ladies at the country club pet resort earlier friday and my children are doing just great Weston Is loving every minute of this wonderful vacation and Keenie has, for the most part come around and being himself once again which I am very happy about as Keenie does not seem to adapt very well to changes of any kind they are both loving all the attention that they have been given all I have to say is when my children are happy then mom is very happy too!
I had a great day at work very productive to say the least my mindset was much different than it has been in weeks, in fact, I would even say months, I was able to focus on work with a very positive attitude and my end result was 19 mail-outs now if you know anything about telemarketing this is a hard job to do even trying to get people to stay on the other end of the phone let alone send them out an invitation to attend an open house, I think they should hire me as the trainer for telemarketers.
I spent a couple of hours soaking in the bathtub this evening yet again, reflecting on stuff past and present at the end of the day I really think that I made a wise choice in so far as moving from Colin’s apartment I really do wish him all the best in life and truly hope that he will make some serious changes for his own sake, if he does choose to make some changes things might change for the better for him but he needs the help and this is something that I, unfortunately am unable to help him with anymore I have tried everything possible so now all I can do is pray that his life gets much better for him and his mindset will change.
I’m getting tired now and think I will go upstairs and get some rest I will write again soon and give you updates as they happen

Day eleven in women’s shelter


Hello everyone:

Well, I am happy to report I am still among the living and have not lost my sanity yet but had a few meltdowns already, I am missing my cats, feeling very lost, being homeless and waiting for the other shoe to fall I tell you what a way to live but I am now hoping for not much longer hopefully some good news will be coming for me soon I might still be living here in the Calgary area or I might not at this point it is just a waiting game for me.

Many things have transpired since I last wrote in my blog, Colin has called one of my friends back home and have no clue as to why, at this point I’m not exactly sure what to think anymore so yet again my trust is next to none at this point with anyone I feel that it is best this way for the time being.

I called Colin last weekend to let him know that I will be by hopefully this weekend to come and get the rest of my things out of his apartment that we both shared, for me it was only a temporary solution until I was able to get on my feet. Hopefully it will be this weekend and have decided for all parties involved that it would be best to not have any of his friends move me due to potential problems in the future I really do not want our friends getting in the middle of all this, I would not like to be stuck in the middle and besides it can make for an uncomfortable situation.

Frustration hits record high for me today


Why is it that women in shelter leave from abuse and people on the outside thinking that we either ask for the abuse and expected to say I’m sorry and when we leave get treated like we are third class citizens.  I am very frustrated today and really dislike some people I can assure you that this will be the last time that I live with anyone ever again. This whole issue has consumed me for I do not know how long and I will be lucky if I don’t lose my job over this whole fiasco.

My blood pressure is up and unable to get an escort without waiting for 6, 8 possibly even 12 hours just to get my clothes I feel sick, emotionally drained and feel like there is no end to this nightmare I am currently living thank god I have my portable DVD player and my $300 camera with me and the kids are in a safe and healthy environment (my cats) Keenie and Weston at this point that’s all I really care about.

I am going to have to go back to the apartment at some point to pick up my things more specifically my clothes and furniture for storage just the thought of going back literally makes me feel quite nauseated and my stomach has been upset all day long.

I am too tired to write anymore today perhaps again tomorrow

Just the basics in life


When I was well enough I had entered in to the Victor Mager job re-entry program as mentioned before, we were given another assignment to do this was self-actualization needs which I would like to share with you here there were questions that I am going to highlight here that we had to answer and the ones not highlighted are my answers past and present.

My physical needs

Do you have enough to drink and eat

Back in 2008 when I was homeless I was beside myself not knowing where my next meal was coming from, luckily enough I was able to find many good resources. I had eaten in the same soup kitchen everyday having dinner for close to a month we had dinner at four pm and the people who I dined with at the table surprised me. Most of them either had a stroke of bad luck, gambled their money away even their house without their spouse or family knowing! and even people who had master degrees some of these people were actually quite smart and how they ended up homeless only god knows.Some other people had a mental Illness which is understandable and turning to drugs and alcohol as this is their only way of coping and because I have been homeless I understand why some, if not most have turned to that very thing. I am proud to say that it is something I have never done and don’t have any plans on doing so either.

Have you got adequate shelter? Are you comfortable enough in that environment?

Again in 2008 when I was homeless I saw many things that were a shock to my system literally I saw another side of life called homelessness. When I saw this for the first time I literally sat there and cried I wanted to end it all right then and there I was almost  ready to put myself in the psychiatric ward. I was able to have some help with a cheap motel room but still had no fixed address it was adequate and better than nothing I was grateful but was always concerned about what I was going to do the following month.

Do you have enough clothing

When I got to the west coast being Victoria BC where I became homeless all I came with was the clothes on my back with two totes in tow along with my sanity, at that point I wondered if I would ever get myself back on my feet again.

How many hours do you sleep at night on average?

Well, now I can honestly say that I am getting lots of rest and sleep however, because I am now sleeping almost ten hours per day I have to wonder if the sleep that I was lacking when I was homeless has finally caught up to me with sleeping so much. I was in my early forties when I became homeless my body has gone through many changes since that time and now I am not so sure if I were homeless again I could deal with it anymore, honestly at this point if that were to ever happen to me again I would more than likely put myself in the psychiatric ward and give myself a mental break from all the stress.

Do you engage in physical activity and what type?

When I was much younger I was always physically active roller skating, biking, swimming my friends could never find me reflecting back now those were some of the best years of my life. After I got married I no longer did any of the things that I had wanted to do always thinking the perfect housewife, anything I wanted to do was always put on the back burner. It has been almost thirty years, been divorced for twenty-seven of them, as much as I try to get into physical activity these days I just lack the motivation.

My safety and security needs

Do you have any concerns about your safety at home or at work within your environment and community?

I feel pretty safe where I am now in shelter  my two kids being the cats Keenie and Weston they give me unconditional love and bring much joy to my life, Colin, unfortunately at this point sadly I have to say from my point of view there is no hope for him as far as I am concerned he is on a suicide mission smoking himself to death and doing nothing about his current weight not to mention living in a very unhealthy environment which for me thank god I am now out of  and no longer have the burden of cleaning up the apartment, My Avon business has suffered now because of it and unfortunately have now lost most, if not all my clients.

As for safety issue at work the environment I work in is fine however, when I get off after eight pm a woman walking alone two blocks to the nearest bus stop in an industrial area no-one around and no- one other than truckers driving down the road I think this speaks for itself not to safe if you ask me.

Do you live in fear from harm and crime?

I feel pretty safe in shelter in this quiet residential neighborhood, the only time when I am in fear from harm and crime is when I must leave work by myself  and walk two blocks to the nearest bus stop.

My love and belonging needs

Do you feel adequately loved and wanted?

When I was living at home with my parents I felt very loved and very wanted I could not have asked for better parents my mother was especially protective of me I never really knew why until my mother and I started to get together on Sundays after my father passed away that was our day together and them my mom told me the story about my brother who would have been fifty-two my mother had a miscarriage long story but I will tell you about that at a later date my father Don loved me just as much.

Do I have enough people in my circle that I love?

Well, yes actually and although I have no family left to speak of, dont care for intimate relationships with the opposite sex anymore I’m only looking for companionship where I am able to share most things with  just a friendship and nothing more than that, Claudette my friend in Manitoba she will be 74 next year and Alan will be 64 in October next year also living in Manitoba and Rose  as well I call her my big sis I miss her so much and  I have learned many things from Rose, Claudette and Alan guidance which I can never thank them enough for.