15 year anniversary

Well, today is the anniversary of my mothers death it has been 15 years and remember the day clearly of moms passing, one of the saddest days of my life, to this day i am glad my mother is gone because the pain my mother endured on a daily basis was just to much for her and for me to watch her go through it was, somedays, unbearable and barely held myself together my mother wanted to end her life so many times but, she stayed here and held on for as long as she could because of one person, and that person was me i was my parents miracle child she was not supposed to have me and now after all these years i now understand why my mom was so protective of me and did not want me to leave home, sadly and eventually my mother succumed to bone cancer and died god rest her soul i loved my mom so very much.
I remember going to visit my mother on sundays and spending the whole entire day with her i had gone into one of moms cupboards in the condo and finding a book 1,001 ways to kill yourself and honestly i was in the state of shock and asked my mother to explain why meanwhile i was saddened and beside myself then everything was explained to me and then i understood quite well and honestly looking back who could blame her for wanting to end it having cancer spreading at an alarming rate, in pain everyday and barely ever able to get around honestly looking back if i were in my mothers position i would want to end it all too.
In the end I was really all my mother had and remember the day of my mothers passing it was dreadful but yet relieved when my mom left this earth because she was in so much pain everyday, i felt such a sense of relief when my mom left this earth just knowing that she is in a better place.

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