Another day of reflection

Ok, so If you remember me writing In my blog about Mike the man that Lana saved not to long ago well yesterday I was told by couple of people that he was off life support and died, yet again another sad state of mind good lord I really hope this stops Its just awful It has started to make me think that  I really need to start taking some control over my eating habits and seriously go on the second floor and working out everyday.
So, today I have also been thinking and doing much reflecting on my life first I want to say one thing and that Is when ever I talk about my life and tried to share It with people I usually get the reply "dont be the poor me" well, I guess those people never really knew me at all, you see the only thing I wanted was to get some kind of support from people a shoulder to lean on and cry and people to understand me thats all I have ever wanted from others and most of my life I have always felt like an outcast like I never belonged.
For example when I used to go to school when I was much younger I always use to dread gym class the reason being we would sometimes have to have 2 teams and every single time I was always picked last not only did I feel like an outcast but, the humiliation that I felt everytime was unbelievable, so eventually I decided to skip gym classes after feeling humiliation and an outcast after a prolonged period I was just sick to death of It and had enough.
Another thing that I remember was when I was much younger 8 years old If I recall my mother had a sister by the name of Kathleen and another sister by the name of Elizabeth anyway, I had gone over to Kathleen and Bills house my parents were both at work Bill was Kathleens husband and I liked to clean so I cleaned their house and remember plain as day Kathleen coming up to me and saying I remember the words quite clearly "when your parents are gone I want nothing to do with you" yes, I am not joking I wish I were I even remember the color of her bathroom It was yellow I never said anything to my parents because I did not want to cause a fight and know how much my parents would have been hurt and wanted to save them from that.
Looking back and reflecting my parents wanted to protect me from everything so I guess I kind of lived a sheltered life but was I ever happy living at home Iv never been happier, my parents protected me from everything and I protected my parents from things that Kathleeen and Bill would say about them and me… Kathleen and Bill also had a habit of putting me down and never saying anything nice about anyone and never found out till later In life but they used to bully my parents when I found out about that man was I ever pissed off and I mean pissed off!, my parents were good people no matter what anyone says and I still have a heart of gold and always have.
I remember the day of my fathers passing my now X husband piece of shit that he was I called home In Okotoks which was at the time 30 minutes from the city limits of Calgary (we were living In Calgary at the time) was calling to see how my parents were doing well, Jim, which was my mothers brother answered the phone Im thinking ok this cant be good something has happened I asked him why he was there he just said I had to come out there and did not care how but to get myself out there ASAP so called scumbag (This Is how I refer to him the x husband) told him he In turn said Im at work and eventually after fighting over the phone for 20 minutes came home headed out to Okotoks and as we turned the corner toward the house I had a real sense of sadness was really upset well, got out of the car ran Into the house and here was half of my family everyone was very sad my mother was crying and I said "what the hell happened here" Jim, my mothers brother came up to me ( he Is a catholic priest) and said dad had passed away and to this very day I dont remember what happened for the next few days after Its like I have blocked It out….but at the end of the week being Friday there was stampede wrestling and that piece of shit I married said to me "lets get tickets to stampede wresting and go"" Im thinking what the fuck I wanted to smack him senseless boy was I ever upset did not talk to him for days after he wanted sex and I cut him off of that for 4 weeks as I recall shitbag.
You know nothing pisses me off more than Insensitive people and Injustice In the world.

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