My perceptions on anger and things that make me angry

Before I came to Manitoba and my last stop at shelter was Alpha House I was very angry and the hidden anger I had was just unbelievable and to the point where when I was upset, and angry my body would tell me so by having the terrible migraine headaches, aches and pains all over, felt emotionally drained all the time, and was not able to sleep at night just to mention a few of the many things I went through on a daily basis, there were many more and because I had no way to express my anger In a positive way I expressed my anger In less than a positive way…. reflecting on how I used to be this Is how I percieved my anger:
 
When I was angry sometimes I would lash out at people and spoke before thinking about any consequences which as I look back now I must have hurt some people which I am very sorry for.
 
When I was angry and upset I always felt very emotionally drained and once I was that way It was like that the whole day and had to sleep It off.
 
When I was angry I always felt my whole body tense up along with major migraines, tense muscles to the point that It was painful to get up or sit down and move In any given direction.
 
If other people saw me angry they would not want to be around me, they would avoid and never approach me.
 
If other people saw me angry I’d feel like they would call me a bitch behind my back and say "what are you doing with her"
 
When other people get angry I shy away, listen to them vent and try and make some sense out of the situation.
 
Things that make me angry:
 
Arrogance Is a big one for me I can not and have no time for arrogant people.
Rude people, man they just really piss me off have some respect for others Is what I have to say.
Prejudice, everyone should be treated as an equal although sometimes for me It has Its challenges.
Tailgaters well what I have to say Is when someone tailgates me I slam on my breaks not only am I pissed off because they are tailgating me but It pisses them off me slamming on my breaks but man they like really slow down and think they get my point only to usually get the finger In the end In which case they can shove It up their ass.
Manipulation of my time like I have better things to do than having people monoplize my time I am a busy woman and trying to do a book.
Child abuse, elderly abuse, and abuse of any woman or man like I have no time for people that do this kind of bullshit god help them because I sure as hell wont assholes that do this deserve absoulutely no mercy In my opinion.
Waiting god In heaven there is nothing worse than waiting at a hospital emergency room for over 24 friggin hours.
Lies man oh man this Is a big one for me friendship Is based on being truthful and not one big lie which I had with my last partner for the last 6 months anyone who lies to me and Is caught well I will be the one to end the relationship not them.
Inconsiderate, all I have ever had most of my life Is Inconsiderate people well Elaine says not no more you do It you pay the price no more Elaine In your life!.
Injustice I really have a problem with Injustice In the world It just seems that what Is right Is wrong and whats wrong Is right In this day and age that also Includes the justice system that half the time never works.
Taxes god taxes they take your money that you work hard for taxes go up and we never see anything for It everything seems to revolve around money and not to mention the so called governemt they screw you every which way.
People who cheat me well that has been the story of my life not no more!.
People who cut In line, I say the line Is down there use It!!
Workers who dont do their job I get really pissed off with people that do not do their jobs at all and/or do a slack ass job of It as this causes a problem because the next person has to do It over or pick up slack for someone else.
My paycheques just knowing that couple days pay goes to my taxes and to my knowledge In their own pockets the government that Is.
People who dont listen as an example I was trying to help someone once by giving some of my words of wisdom did they listen NO not at all and as they say history repeats Itself and he ran Into the same problem over again.
False accusations when I was younger I was 16 at the time I took a job helping a woman as a homemaker did her dishes for her put them away after drying them she flatly accused me of stealing her cookware not only that, she actually called the police on me once police arrived at the house the police asked her to check to see If her cookware was missing again only to actually find It In the wrong place In her kitchen not only was I extremely pissed but obviously left permanently never to return to her home again In fact at that point I quit being a homemaker all together.
Animal abuse well considering I am a protecter for animals and active animal activist If I see anyone abuse an animal I will step In and save the animal In harms way no matter what the cost to me I really would give my life to save an animals.
People that dont think I cant stand stupid people.
Saying Insulting words and phrases to me that just shows much disrespect and have no time for people that do.
 
 
 How I would describe anger
 
Everyone has Ideas about what anger Is and looks like… some of mine are below:
 
  • Redness In the face to me If someone gets red In the face that spells double trouble and they are pissed off for me that means stay away.
  • Being loud and obnoxious by slamming doors, being rude, yelling, shouting and hitting just to mention a few this happens, In my experience, as well with drunk people to which I do not care to associate with, people such as these make me very nervous because anything at that point can trigger anger and become abusive.
  • Hitting ok that is just not acceptable behavior and has the potential to escalate to something else that could potentially become much more violent 
  • Tension well as for tension It can build up to something worse and has the potential to become much more violent the tension stage Is when all that built up anger could explode hence violence could occur. 
  • Destruction If I am around someone that becomes destructive of a physical nature Its time to head for the hills Im gone next will be violence for sure.
  • Yelling verbal abuse and I will no longer tolerate any of It from anyone ever again.
  • Tears I have done this one many times crying constantly as opposed to breaking down and becoming angry and becoming verbally abusive.
  • Control I can not and will not be around people that are controlling any longer there are warning signs that you can look for and I know many of them now. 
  • Put downs they kill our self esteem, we begin to feel lousy and  second guess ourselves I have for many years had low self esteem I just hide mine very well and also the way a person dresses can say many things about a persons self esteem.
  • Silence and the silent treatment It Is also a form of abuse I have had plenty of that In the course of my relationships.
  • Witholding It does not matter what they are witholding from you It not only shows anger but It also shows who is In control.
  • Verbal abuse any kind of verbal abuse will affect a persons emotional well being and If you have enough of It you begin to believe that you deserve It over the course of many years having had verbal abuse from past relationships It starts to affect you as a whole and you can become bitter and angry I did.
  • Violence this happens all the time In our society there are many types of abuse Psychological, Physical, Financial, and lastly Spiritual I have had all of these.
 
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