Depression what Is It and what are some of the causes?

Depression what Is It 
 
Depression is a long and seemingly negative mood which can Interfere In someones everyday life to the point where you wonder why you were even put on this earth and many feelings unfortunately attached to It that are very negative In nature, some feelings that one might experience would be worthlessness, excessive guilt, loneliness, neverending sadness, hopelessness, self doubt and yes suicidal thoughts can also be present. All of which I just mentioned I have suffered from over long extended periods of time and from personal experience have to tell you that there really is no worse feeling especially so If you have no one to turn to feeling like no one cares about you I had no brothers no sisters and no family as my mom passed away In 1994 and dads passing In 1983 I was feeling so alone there were even times when all I wanted to do was literally go out on the road and play In traffic hoping to get hit, depression can also become so Intense that It can last from months to many years In my case It has been many years which may be a dysfunctional form of depression I have once been diagnosed with clinical depression to the point where I almost signed myself Into hospital but never did Instead I had just hung In there as I have a strong will to overcome things which I eventually did and finally did something about It.
 
What causes us to get depressed
 
There may be many causes for someone to become depressed the list Is quite varied but here are a few of them that I have experienced over the years:
 
  • Significant loss and/or disappointment my life has been full of this and thought that It would never end.
  • Loss of control over eithier the environment I was living In, and feeling as though nothing can be done to change the unfortunate events In my life all my life I have felt that I had to have control over everything and the unfortunate happenings In my life only to eventually realize that whatever is going to happen will happen and there will be no stopping It and have come to realize as well that for everything that happens In life there is always a reason behind It.
  • Negative thoughts about myself that gradually became self defeating this Is nothing new to me negative thoughts and self defeat was all that I never knew.
  • Unrealistic expectations and my percieved failure this Is definitely me there were many times when I had unrealistic expectations of myself I guess I thought I was wonderwoman or something and when It did not work out I know I had failed at what I had set out to do and consequently saw myself as being a neverending failure.

Here are some of the symptoms that one might feel along with many others these are some of the ones I had experienced:

Emotional symptoms:

  • Neverending sadness
  • Constant anxiety
  • Guilt all the time
  • Anger
  • Constant mood swings
  • Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness

Some of my physical symptoms were and still are to this day:

  • Sleeping too much or too little In my case sleeping too much and starting to think there is some underlying health problems I might have.
  • Overeating or a loss of appetite well this one for me would be overeating, for the last few months I have come to realize that when I am very upset and angry all I want to do Is reach for the cupboard and eat and since I left my last partner I think I have gained over 100 pounds because now that I no longer smoke there seems to be nothing else that is Immediate except food that I can access and now that I realize It Is a problem I am now being mindful of what I put In my mouth and starting to lead a much more healthy lifestyle.
  • Weight gain this would tie Into the above with overeating
  • Gradual loss of sexual desire okay well this one may be shocking to many of you but I have no desire to be Intimate with anyone I have many reasons for this, one of which was when I was raped when I was around 17/18 and no I did not report It because I thought I deserved It and would be frowned upon, I have also had relationships where I was Intimate once and then no one wanted anything to do with me afterward not so much as a phone call so I finally decided that Instead of feeling like I was being used I ended Intimacy alltogether so therefore I no longer have an Interest In It.

 Some of the behavioral symptoms I had encountered:

  • Crying for no apparent reason I had this happen to me sometimes and think It had to do with me being so overwhelmed with so many different things all at one time and not having anyone I could turn to that would understand and help me.
  • Withdrawl from people and situations I never used to be like this many years ago, the people that knew me and still do Im sure would agree to that and now after 18 months I have become very mellow and sometimes do not like to be around many people as I need my space and no longer wish to be around drama now I just want to go out and enjoy what life has to offer me.
  • Getting angry easily boy did I ever have a short fuse and was labeled as a "bitch" looking back now and not that I am justifying my getting angry and sometimes taking It out on others but when a person Is so depressed and trying to reach out to someone to talk to on numerous occassions only to find out that they dont understand and didnt care this Is when I was starting to get angry and take It out on others the frustration was just starting to build more and more.
  • Being unmotivated depression really had that effect on me and did not realize just how bad that It had become there were times that It was hard enough to get out of bed and get coffee and had no motivation to do the things that I had once really enjoyed doing.
  • Loss of Interest In one’s physical appearance after being depressed for so very long It just came to the point where honestly I did not care what I looked like and what I was to wear.
  • Loss of Interest In activities that I had previously enjoyed In my case I had no desire to do housework which I enjoyed doing as well as listening to my music which usually had a very soothing effect on me.
  • Turning to drugs and alcohol after having left my partner I could have turned to drugs and alcohol and came close but never did and because I have been homeless I now have a better understanding of why people on the street do, I think one of the reasons that they do Is because they find It hard to cope, no one will talk to them, they feel so alone, In my case to add to that I had no family to turn to and I wanted to end It all felt like my life was worth nothing and that god had put me on this earth just to make my life a living hell and was mad at him for It thinking I must have been really mean In a previous life to deserve this kind of shit needless to say I was well on my way to the dark side.
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