Another day at the office and an update on life

Hello to one and all:
 
Im really not even to sure If anyone reads my blogs or not It really does not matter but for those of you that have a genuine Interest In how Im doing this is the place where you will find any updates….today I have been thinking way too much and must admit that I really feel like a sack of shit for writing what I did In my blog yesterday wow did I ever vent…. here on my blog Is where I feel safe to vent without anyone really judging me and really did not have any Intentions with what I wrote yesterday to hurt anyone honestly thats the last thing I ever wanted to do to you especially considering your current state but really quite honestly that Is how I am really feeling especially so these days with a particular Individual ( you know who you are) and although you may think that I am mad at you I am not and after what happened to my mother years ago with my father having passed away I will never go to bed angry at anyone EVER…. If anything those of you that have known me for many many years you know that I have nothing but love In my heart for everyone that is something that will never change about me although I can be a real bitch at best when It comes down to It If someone who despised me ever needed any help I would be there in a heartbeat for them now that is the kind of person Elaine Is although I do have my boundaries and openly admit I still do struggle with them I feel better now after getting all that off of my chest and not sure if that person will read what I have written but If you are then you know how Im feeling and have for a long long time.
Anyway on to other things now my Christmas was actually very relaxing and much better than I had ever expected It to be I was not sad but rather, was happy to spend It alone my day with god spent meditating very peaceful and quiet on my floor too surprisingly considering the wonderful neighbors I have I cant wait for new years when all the parties start on 12  again sarcasm….It was also good to finally go back to work yet again and get out of this place even If It Is for just a few hours a day the change of scenery makes a big difference thats for sure….so Im coming home tonight walk In the front door and as usual I check In the lounge to see who is there low and behold the same ladies that I see everynight walk on over to say hello only to hear the latest rumor going around.. me and Allan who happens to be a friend and only a friend who we occassionally have tea together at my place sometimes before I head out to work well turns out that someone says apparently "Im pregnant" Im thinking really is that so can we like just say Imaculate conception hmmmm how Interesting considering I am unable to get pregnant In the first place seeing as I had my tubes tied oh back when I was like 21 and have not had sex In over 6-7 years although I have to admit that I do long for It more than anyone could ever know but when It really comes down to It Im not sure I would be capable of being Intimate with anyone at this point In my life and unable to see that changing anytime In the future I already struggle sometimes with the trust Issue and for the people that have seen me go through the betrayals, abuse, backstabbing and shit for many many years you understand why I struggle with such an Issue not to mention the homeless Issue It just amazes me how one person could change anothers life with one decision of course only thinking of themself If only they knew how the other persons life was affected.
Upon closing my friends Its getting late so to all a good night take care and have a great Tuesday and I will try to as well.
More to follow Tuesday so stay tuned
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