Down and out


Hi everyone:
 
Well, It has been a few days since I last wrote In my blog and I am feeling very much the same way as I had earlier In the week.
 
I have felt this same way for months since I found out about Richard and Marlene this feeling seems to linger and does not seem to be letting up…I have really been feeling very emotional, depressed, lonely with no sense of belonging or purpose you know, sometimes I just want It all to end.
I’m really thinking that next week I need to look Into going to some support groups because dealing with all of this on my own seems to be just be getting the better of me.
It would appear that I am starting to regress back to the way I was when I first moved here to Manitoba. I was a basket case back then.
I was always friendly to people, smiling, happy and very much at peace and now I feel just blah and have to be quite honest with you I am pretty close to being on the verge of drinking which Is not at all like me and not only that, but I really resent the fact that I seem to be a stepping stone for others to get ahead In life sometimes It just doesn’t seem fair.
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Feeling alone and wondering If I have a sense of purpose


Hi to everyone:
Please note:
This entry was done on July 14th
Well, again It Is just another day and trying to get through It as best that I can…I wish that this day was just over with I am feeling very depressed and wonder If I have a purpose In life, I have not felt this bad In a long long time perhaps It Is a combination of Richard and Marlene, living where I live, all the negativity that continues on In the building on a daily basis and plain just feeling very alone…I tell you one thing, It will be a cold day In hell before I even begin to think about trusting any new people that decide to want to be a part of my life I guess I have closed myself off to many people and needless to say I am not the same person as I was when I first moved Into the building that I am at currently, I am sick of people being nice to my face and the moment you turn around stab you In the back I guess I just have to keep remmembering thaTt what comes around goes around I just hope that Richard and Marlene get what Is coming to them..you know Its funny for a guy that was just dying months ago and walking with a cane not to mention they both looked like hell froze over they both seem to be doing quite well In fact this Friday they are both going on vacation together like okay after 3 months of knowing each other hmmm Is It just me or seriously is that not a little too fast oh, and did I forget to mention that Marlene just lost her husband Ken In Sept/Oct last year and was married to him for like 8 years and has not grieved yet I dont know about anyone else here but Is something just not fucked up here?
I welcome anyones comments.
I still continue to not sleep very well except for last night, for once I actually fell asleep and stayed asleep for a better part of the night and when I got up this morning I said fuck It turned over and went right back to sleep and finally decided at 12 noon to get up and start my day.

Depressed and down and out


Hello to one and all:
 
I could not help but notice that I have not written In my blog for over two months now and have been putting off writing It has now caught up to me and this last hour It has just been hell as I have had many things to think about and has really upset me beyond belief and unable to shake this feeling…although It has been a month or so I am still being affected with the fact that Richard and Marlene both backstabbed me this has to do with the monthly meetings that we were having at the building for the tenants….Richard had offered to help me and since Marlene had previously been on the committee years ago I had asked her to help me with committee stuff she had no problem with that In fact, Marlene and I started to spend much time together and thought that she could be trusted like Richard, sadly that did not happen I had a big surprise In store for me later that week needless to say I felt humiliated, embarassed, full of shame and felt much like a useless piece of shit.
 

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