Brainwashing

In some of my relationships looking back now,  brainwashing was a big part as well of my abuse and had no idea exactly what kind of Impact that it would have on me years and years later Its a wonder I have my mind with what I had to put up with and to be sane through It all god knows how I kept It all together here are some of the brainwashing conditions and how they work that I had:

Isolation  that was a big one for me I felt It a lot this sets the stage for all other conditions to have  greatest effect.

  • It could be physical, emotional or social mine was emotional and social
  • It could also be a gradual process and could be made subtle or direct I have had both
  • It creates a sense of differences and separateness that extends to the family for me since I did not have any family left the people who abused me were the only people who I had to turn to
  • Becomes the gatekeeper In my life yet again another form of control
  • Since he became my major external frame of reference I was being manipulated with misinformation about myself which In turn made me second guess myself, my situation which In turn made me think I was always exaggerating and things were never really that bad when they actually were and the world around me I never wanted to go out

Humiliation  for me I think this was the worst part of my abuse from a psychological standpoint next to the Isolation.

  • The more information that I had about myself  the more likely It was to become a part of my self Image well for me It was my whole self Image and as time passed on my self Image became even much worse and It also started to show In the way I dressed which remained the same for many years.
  • The more I began to believe the negative messages about myself the more I thought I deserved all the abuse and thought I did not deserve anything less than that and viewed myself as worth the effort of leaving.

Demonstrations of power and threats this happened to me.

  • Because sometimes I had felt Isolation I had perceived that no one would help me or even could I had become vulnerable to fear and Intimidation when having to face a threat alone and over time the size of power Imbalance Increased and more control was established.
  • I also felt controlled not only by my perpetrator but my perception of him as well as an example of this he would, on occasion say things to me that were of a spiritual nature and he brainwashed me so bad I actually started to believe everything he said to me and the threats were always endless.

Trivial demands and the focus being on him and his new girlfriend  It was like his shit didnt stink and they were king and queen had to bow down to them (this is another story I will save for a later date you will be amazed I’m sure and probably wondered how I kept sane)

  • The more alienated I felt from my own wants and needs, I was unlikely to pack up and leave although I finally did leave I stayed so long because I had my 3 cats that I loved very much they became my only means to keep me sane and considered them to be my children they meant everything to me my missy Koko, Missy and Buffy.
  • I could not see the forest for the trees when It came to my situation so I was unable to see my pattern of abuse which made It less likely for me to take steps forward leaving all the abuse that much more less likely.
  • Treating me like an object throughout most of my relationships I was treated like a robot, sex object, piece of shit and worthless one at that
  • he was desensitized to the fact that I was human, making It easier for him to avoid having empathy and compassion for me It was like I was just there to please and that was all.
  • There was never anyone there to reinforce my being which In turn I began to doubt myself, my judgement and worth.
  • I became very numb to almost everything Including my feelings It was like who cares It doesn’t matter anyway.

Making me doubt myself as they say the possibilities are endless In this case the doubting myself was endless

  • In the beginning It seemed benign something minor like I was misunderstanding things or It was all In my head.
  • Constant misunderstanding creating for me a situation where I did not really know what was going on and became much more vulnerable to his version of everything which In turn made me all that much more vulnerable.
  • Was always trying to make rational sense out of the Irrational behavior that he had, my self-esteem turned Into humiliation and thought I was stupid for not being able to understand and find fault with the behavior.
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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. queenlioness1962
    Nov 25, 2012 @ 00:23:20

    Unfortunately being on the recieving end of being brainwashed Palmer I know all to well what to look for as well as the potential for others being brainwashed, you just have to look for the tell tale signs and unless you have had the experience first hand it is more difficult to pin point.

  2. Palmer Staker
    Nov 06, 2012 @ 22:34:21

    You’ve proven that you simply are certified to compose on this topic. The facts which you mention and the expertise and comprehension of these items obviously reveal which you possess a great deal of expertise.

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