Mistaken traditional assumptions and your legitimate rights as a person

Incorrect traditional assumption   

It is selfish to put your needs before others needs. I believed this for the longest time and after leaving Alpha House with one whole year of counselling I happy  to report that I now for the most part put myself first because if I don’t what good  will I be to myself and others.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to put yourself first, sometimes.

Incorrect traditional assumption

It is shameful to make mistakes you should have an appropriate response for every occasion. I believed this for the longest time, always doing my best to be perfect only to realize there is no such thing as a perfect human being.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to make mistakes.

Incorrect traditional assumption

If you can’t convince others that your feelings are reasonable, then your feelings are wrong. For many years I had a-lot of self-doubt but have now been able to overcome that although it has taken a long time.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to be the last judge of your feelings and accept them as legitimate.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should respect the views of others, especially if they are in a position of authority. Keep your differences of opinion to yourself listen and learn. I thought this for many years because I thought the older the wiser and it is only in the last ten years that I have realized that, in fact I can have my own differences of opinion and it can still be valid.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to your own opinions and convictions.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should always try to be logical and consistent. Well, if your like me when you get upset and/or angry like I am with my room-mate most days all sense of logic goes right out the window.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to change your mind or decide on a different course of action.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should be flexible and adjust. others have good reasons for their actions and it’s not polite to question them.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to protest any treatment or criticism that feels bad to you.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should never interrupt people. Asking questions reveals your stupidity to others.  I used to do this all the time keeping quiet and never asking questions hoping that I got things right the first time and not looking stupid in the end.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to interrupt to ask for clarification.

Incorrect traditional assumption

Things could get even worse, don’t rock the boat. To this very day I still hear this on occasion and it really annoys me.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to negotiate for change.

Incorrect traditional assumptions

You shouldn’t take up others valuable time with your problems. This one was huge for me I used to keep things bottled up inside all the time even when it came to my friends unfortunately I have found out that not sharing and talking to others about things that bother me just does not pay and in the end later in life all you have is health issues.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to ask for help or emotional support

Incorrect traditional assumption

People don’t want to hear that you feel bad so keep it to yourself. I did this all the time and on occasion I still do.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to feel and express pain.

Incorrect traditional assumption

When someone takes the time to give you advice you should take it very seriously they are often right. For me, if I am not sure if I am making the right decision about something and questioning myself I always go to others and ask for the their opinion and although I take it into consideration it does not always mean that person is right but appreciate their input nonetheless.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to ignore the advice of others.

Incorrect traditional assumption

Knowing that you did something wellis it’s own reward. People don’t like show-off’s. Successful people are secretly disliked and envied. Be modest when complimented.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to recieve recognition for your work and achievements.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should always try to accomodate others. If you don’t, they won’t be there when you need them. Well, for me I used to be a people pleaser always accomodating others and not looking after who is most important that being me, a true friend is there no matter what, I have also realized that you can not always accomodate what other people want.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to say no. Sometimes that is still hard for me to do.

Incorrect traditional assumption

Don’t be anti-social. People are going to think you don’t like them if you say you’d rather be alone instead of with them. Nothing irritates me more than this I do not like being around many people and have been told that I am anti-social when the fact is I like to spend time alone with my cats my babies and don’t think that I should have to justify my own actions.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to be alone even if others would prefer your company.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should always have a good reason for what you feel and do.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to not have to justify yourself to others.

Incorrect traditional assumption

When someone is in trouble , you should always help them. I will tell you that used to be a real struggle for me and sometimes it still is on top of my own problems. I have been told still that I take on way too much responsibility for other peoples problems which I have come to realize if I keep doing it, it will affect me in the long run with my health and other things.

Your legitimate right

You have a right not to take responsibility for someone elses problem.

Incorreect traditional assumption

You should be sensitive to the needs and wishes of others, even when they are unable  to tell you what they want. I have always been a very sensitive person to others it’s just who I am and have a gift given to me that allows me to sometimes read other people and know what they are thinking without them saying anything but I have to be in that frame of mind.

Your legitimate right

You have a right not to have to anticipate others needs and wishes

Incorrect traditonal assumption

It’s not nice to put people off. If questioned, give an answer.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to choose not to respond to a situation

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