Anger Management


For many years I was very bitter and angry had no idea on how to deal with it then I moved into Alpha House in Winnipeg which is a second stage shelter and soon to realize that what I had longed for which was to let go of my anger and finally find some peace and tranquility in my life would eventually take place.

When we had women’s group once per week we would talk about various things one of which was anger we were all given a hand out to read which I would like to share with all of you:

Overview of a healthy approach to dealing with anger :

1) Recognize and allow yourself to believe that anger is a natural, normal, healthy non-evil healthy feeling. Everyone feels it we just don’t all express it. You do not need to fear your anger.

2) Remember that you are responsible  for your own feelings. You got angry at what happened, the other person did not make your cry.

3) Remember that anger and aggression are not the same thing. Anger is expressed assertively.

4) Get to know yourself, so you recognize those events and behaviors, which trigger your anger . “Find your own buttons, so you know when they are pushed”

5) Learn to relax, if you have developed the skill of relaxing yourself, learn to apply this response  when your anger is triggered.

6) Develop assertive methods for expressing your anger.

7) Keep your life clear. Deal with issues as they arise, when you feel the feelings not hours, days or weeks afterwards.

Check yourself with these statements:

1)  I no longer feel like unloading my feelings of anger and hurt.

2) I have stopped hoping that my ex partner is feeling as much emotional pain as I am.

3) I no longer feel so angry at my ex partner.

4) It is no longer important that my family and friends be on my side and not on my ex partners side.

5) I have outgrown the need to get even at my ex partner  for hurting me.

6) I  no longer blame my ex partner  for the failure of the relationship.

7) I have stopped trying to hurt my ex partner  by letting he/she know how much I hurt emotionally.

8) I have overcome my anger and have begun to accept the things my ex partner has done.

9) I am expressing my anger in a positive way that is not destructive to me  or to those around me.

10) I am able to admit it when I feel angry and not denying my angry feelings.

11) I understand the emotional blocks that have kept me from expressing my anger  in a positive way.

12) I am able to express my anger constructively instead of venting it inappropriately.

13) I am reaching a stage of forgiveness and not remaining angry.

 

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Words of wisdom


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We all have the courage don’t give up!


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Building new relationships


When I was living in Alpha House (this is a second stage shelter for abused women) in Winnipeg we were given handouts one of which I am sharing with you in this post this of course applies to men as well.

New relationships may trigger memories of your old relationships. it takes hard work, a great deal of committment and communication when you are in a relationship. A second relationship has different problems than the first one. Be sure you feel strong enough to live independently before you make the choice of becoming involved in an intimate relationship again. This way when you have a choice, you may not be as likely to make the same mistakes or fall into the same unhealthy patterns of the past. You will be better equipped to stand up for your rights. It is important to remember that life has its ups and downs. You will have good days when you feel strong and capable and bad days when you feel depressed and vulnerable. Know that the bad times will not last forever and that there are things that you can do to help yourself get through the bad feelings. Many women find that the first anniversary of their leaving is particularly painful. It is important be aware and plan in ahead. You may want to arrange and spend time with close friends or seek support in your local community to get through this time. If you would like more information and resources for the Winnipeg, Manitoba  or Victoria BC areas contact me and I will do a post about resources.

Ways you can help yourself

Let yourself feel your emotions fully. Do not judge yourself for having them. In time you will move through these feelings.

Take time out for you, Engage in self-nurturing activities such as going for a walk, have a bath, curl up in bed and read a good book or just chill and listen to music everyone has a right to pamper themselves.

Eat healthy and set aside times for meals.

Get plenty of rest, even if you are unable to sleep take time and do nothing.

Excercise to release built up tension go for a walk or swim.

Establish a daily routine that includes setting and accomplishing small goals each day.

Begin keeping a daily journal believe me it really helps.

Explore new hobbies and try out activities that interest you.

Develop new friendships and join a support group.

Learn to laugh ( although I find that very difficult most days) when I do laugh truly, I feel so much better afterwards.

Words of hope


Counting the days hoping for my own apartment soon


Hi everyone:

I have been so very busy lately and not had time to write on my blog but tonight I have been able to find some time after a really hectic busy couple of weeks. Well, my room-mate again for the fifth time is back in hospital due to yet another skin infection he went in on Saturday night I am very concerned about him he seriously is a walking time bomb I swear because of his weight problem, hygeine issues and the continous smoking and over the last three months it does not appear that he has made any progress in doing anything productive with his life.

We have had many fights as of late my blood pressure is seriously on the rise, I`m tired because I am continously cleaning the apartment getting really worn out and have to tell you I`m starting to get really frustrated as far as this living arrangment is concerned, not to mention not only am I stressed out but now all of this fighting and stress is starting to affect my cats as well for example when we had this arrangement that I would be moving here on a temporary basis we had an agreement that there was going to be no smoking in the apartment because of my cats being allergic to the smoke he agreed not to, this apartment has two balconies one in the  living room which I use as well as him the other is in his bedroom which he never uses, I spoke with him regarding this smoking  issue and kindly ask that if he wished to smoke in the apartment to atleast go in his room and open his own balcony door and smoke in there and he chose not to comprimise so my cats have to put up with this smoking habit of his once was in the living room and once in the kitchen so until I move I have no other choice but to deal with this which causes me much stress.

I must put an end to this soon so my plan is to move out soon and if need be I will have to find a hotel room across the street from where I live my health is starting to get worse and my cats are also being affected with this living arrangement.

On a better note I started a new job today at Direct Buy working in a call centre I am so happy and it pays $12.00 hour this is such a relief for me I will be independent again and have a sense of self worth doing something productive with my life and having long as well as short term goals some of them getting a car, taking a much needed vacation and an apartment of my own.

I must go for now have many things things to do sleep with angels everyone and take care

An inspirational quote to get you through the day


Treasure each one

Treasure each day and enjoy what each day has to offer


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Your inspirational quote for Wednesday


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Positive affirmations to remember


I try to do positive affirmations everyday although some days are more difficult it seems the more we say positive affirmations eventually we will start to belive it here are some.

I deserve happiness.

I have the power to change myself.

I can forgive and understand others and their motive.

I can make my choices and decisions.

I am free to choose to live as I wish no matter what my circumstances.

I am flexible and open to change in every aspect of my life.

I act with confidence having a general plan.

It is enough to have done my best.

I deserve love.

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