Day two in shelter

Last night after I finished writing in my blog  I took my sleeping pills normally I would be in bed asleep at a decent hour however, last night was not the case  in bed at 9AM this morning and up by 12:30PM. I have been much less stressed out  today than I have in the last five months I was finally able to go out and do what I have wanted to do for months hopped on the west LRT and saw what the fuss was all about took it all the way to 69th street station then I went the opposite direction and went all the way to saddlewood just to pass the time and reflecting what has transpired over the last few months living with Colin.

I have come to realize many things, having lived with Colin these past few months has been exceptionally hard on me as well as my children and because of Colin’s very poor health and unhealthy living conditions by no fault of my own I refuse to blame myself for no longer being there to help him god only knows I really have tried to help him but like the saying goes”you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink” unfortunately for him he has pushed me away so far that I no longer want to be a part of his life anymore unless he straightens up his act which at this point is not in the least bit likely not to mention he probably will not see his next bithday to turn fifty. Sadly and after thinking about this decision bottom line is I am going to do what is best for me and my children now (the cats Keenie and Weston).

I recently told Colin that maybe the reason why people do not want to be around and the fact that he has no friends is because of his attitude and the way he treats others well his response was “I don’t give a sh**” he was very angry with me when I mentioned this which leads me to believe he has some major underlying issues that I am unaware of and seems to me he will not let go of the past now don’t get me wrong I am in no way saying “get over it” but, what I am saying is let it go I explained to him in order to do this you need to be able to let go of ill feelings and to be able to forgive people that have done you wrong I showed him ways in order to do this but, as usual suggestions are ignored and although the fact of letting go is no easy task I will admit he also had the support of friends at one time and at this point  I have pretty much given up helping and his friends no longer want to be around him anymore I mean let’s face it you can only bang your head against a wall so many times.

Anyway onto other stuff, now that I have had my mini vent session here, as mentioned previously I did not get up until 12:30PM due to the fact that I did not get to sleep till 9AM I made some calls today regarding rental units hopefully to book an appointment sometime on Saturday let’ s pray I find a place soon, I feel more at peace now knowing that I have made the right decision to leave I have found peace and quiet here at the shelter and relaxed knowing that my kids are having a nice vacation speaking of kids I think you might find this quite amusing most people think I am out of my mind but that’s okay you have heard of childrens strollers right? Well I have one better how about a pet stroller and yes your eyes are not deciveing what you are reading yes I have my very own pet stroller for the kids cost me $250 but well worth it I thought.

The temperature in Calgary today was minus four I have to tell you what a blessing and welcome change from the cold and no aches and pains like yesterday. I spoke with a couple ladies here in shelter we were exchanging stories and let me tell you some of the ones I have heard are almost mind boggling one girl was telling me that her own mother was abusing her and gave her a black eye  and the other lady I met last night in the kitchen she was telling me her husband had raped their two year old daughter repeatedly I will not go into  more detail. I ask myself why is it that the women are left to fend for themselves and their children and men getting off with a slap on the wrist personally it makes me sick.

Anyway everyone I’m getting really tired so I am going to call it a night

Sleep with angels everyone

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Delores
    Jan 05, 2013 @ 04:42:40

    I love your web site!

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