Working through depression

When we live through traumatic experiences sometimes we have a tendency to become depressed, depression can take Its toll on a person It could be short-term or like for me It has become long-term and have suffered for many years with It and until I came to Alpha House had no Idea what to do about It, we were given a handout on ways to work through depression which I would like to share here with you and perhaps yourself might one day want to use for reference purposes:

  • Write your thoughts and feelings In a journal….I had previously done this In the past writing It down on paper but It would seem that I could not write fast enough and forgot half of what I was going to write In the process so now as you can see I have an online journal Instead, this works better for me because I am able to type as fast as I think of my thoughts and seems to help me heal from my past experiences faster.
  • Try and be aware of your negative thoughts and replace with positive ones….although I do admit this Is a very hard one to do It takes perseverance and determination with the staff at Alpha House helping me and after months of reading my same affirmations I am becoming a more positive person and although I still get depressed sometimes I find that the affirmations really do help me.
  • Make a weekly list of your positive accomplishments and focus on your positive experiences and successes…..If your like me you may really have to rattle your brain for this one It took me a while to figure this one out.
  • Build a support network of healthy people, and talk to them when you are feeling down….trust me on this one your support network and best friends will be your saving grace I have no Idea where I would have been without all of them today more than likely In the nearest psych ward.
  • Have something to look forward to for example activities, barbeques, a night out for dinner and perhaps a movie afterward or just a night chilling with your friends.
  • How about doing a good deed for someone, who knows you might make their day and put a smile on their face.
  • Self care…. go ahead do something nice for yourself anything that makes you happy however I would not suggest drugs and/or alcohol as they are mood altering.
  • Try volunteer work,  have a cause why not promote It.
  • Do you have any goals If so list them It does not matter If they are family, recreation, personal growth or whatever.
  • Eat healthy and get plenty of rest I have found with my own experiences If you don’t eat properly and lack of sleep or lack of rest you will get sick run down and become even more depressed than you were to begin with.
  • Be assertive to maintain your boundaries use “I feel” statements this one was a struggle for me so It took me a while since most of my life I have been a people pleaser but now I finally have my boundaries In place.

Our day in Banff National Park

Hello everyone:

Well today is Saturday the 18th of August and on Thursday this week Colin and I had a wonderful day, Colin had just gotten out of the hospital and wanted to go and do something after him being in the hospital for over two weeks.

Due to Colin’s stay in hospital all I did was clean and hibernate in the apartment, sending out the resumes and getting back into my Avon business.

Anyway, Colin and I decided to go to Banff for the day it was a fun-filled one at that we went to the Bow Falls and I got some pretty awesome pictures which I will be posting at a later date, I also took a couple of pictures of the  back of the Banff Springs Hotel with one picture of the Rimrock Hotel where I once stayed many years ago, I might suggest to anyone reading my blog that if you end up in Banff that you stay at anyone of the above mentioned hotels you will not walk away unhappy I might also add be ready to spend money because it’s not cheap by any means well worth it though.

After I got in all the pictures I could before dark we went to the Keg Steakhouse for dinner I had a bowl of french onion soup for an appetizer then a ten ounce filet mignon with onion and peppers with béarnaise sauce when I took my first bite you would have thought that I went to heaven it tasted that good.

When we return to Banff again I will be heading up the mountain on the gondola and can only imagine the breathtaking pictures I will be able to take from the top of the mountain and of course I will be posting those pictures as well.

My thinking tank is the bathtub

Well, It Is Saturday today and as the title says yes indeed I do have many thoughts going through my head when I relax in the bathtub, and today I came up with some startling revelations it’s almost like a lightbulb when on in my head let your mind be free anyways, someone once told me that my life was not a book but rather, a dictionary so i have now come up with the idea of writing a book named “Life’s trials and tribulations a true life story” I now feel that because of my life’s experiences I will be able to help others in similar situations and perhaps be an inspiration to others as well which I have been told several times in my life.
There will be many chapters and some of the chapters that I will touch on and talk about are:
1 Marriage.. and yes it can be a blessing however it can also be a nightmare
2 Life in low-income housing
3 I was a miracle child
4 In mother once told me “when you get married you don’t just marry that person you marry “the entire family”
5 Abuse.. yes the subject that women don’t like to talk about because they feel ashamed to and the effects as well as the types of abuse
6.The struggle to be accepted by others
7. The struggle for survival living from shelter to shelter
11 Inspirational quotes and some of the ways to keep yourself sane
12 My 2 sets of twins.. yes was pregnant 2x with 4 children
13 Homelessness and being judged
14 My passion for animals and their impact on me
As I will be remembering traumatic events in my life which will entail emotional turmoil and becoming very tired which really is nothing new to me but all the same emotional as I progress through my big project I am sure I will be adding new chapters.

Starting to get settled in my new living environment

I have to say that I am feeling good about getting through my challenges over the last twenty or so years It has been a hellish ride let me tell you.
It all started many years ago when I got married in 1983 that was my first abusive relationship all the way to present day I will get into this abusive subject later in another blog  I have also been homeless and really felt all alone with no support which was only about five years ago It was at that point In my life a struggle to survive and life was not worth living, I have come along way since that time and now feel differently about life and myself as well as looking forward to the future.
There has also been some spiritual awakenings for me too, and after a long time with many challenges  I feel like I am becoming closer to god and pray almost every day I always think of the footprints and remember that when you feel alone you are not and in fact god is carrying you at that very point in your life I’ve not forgotten that and remember seeing it for the first time the day I went to the funeral home after my mothers passing god rest her soul and my dads too they were really good people and the best parents you could ask for  I brag about them all the time.
I was really happy when my friend Colin who I have known for many years said he was going to drive out to Winnipeg to come and rescue me from the Manitoba Housing building I was living in that was full of bed bugs and was constantly spraying our apartments not to mention the property manager that  had done absolutely nothing for any of the tenants in the building phone calls were never returned  seniors having to pay $97.00 to get their air conditioners put in not to mention our windows had not been cleaned in over three long years It was difficult to see out my windows.
Now I live back in Calgary in a nice apartment a two bedroom with Colin and my two children ( my cats) two balconies workout place downstairs and my bedroom is nice and comfortable peaceful and quiet here no black mold anymore and have not been sick since leaving Manitoba Housing and sleeping quite well as well as eating healthier food.
I am very concerned about my friend Colin he is quite heavy has many health issues and smokes like a chimney I have tried everything to help him and just unable to get anywhere he smokes a pack a day does not really get any exercise and when I try to help him he just fights with me every single time not knowing what to do next other than knock my head against a wall, I have told him that he wont live very long if he keeps up these habits of his but that does not seem to matter.
I am starting to get very tired now It’s almost 6AM and have not slept all night been doing laundry for Colin so to all a good night and sleep with angels.

My talents and accomplishments

Hello one and all:
Throughout our lives sometimes we fail to remember our talents and accomplishments and If you are like me even have difficulty recognizing that we even have any and for others they don’t talk about them because others might feel that they are being conceited and immodest therefore we either discount, dismiss or really undervalue ourselves.
`I know that’s all I have ever done but have now turned over a new leaf and now I am very proud of my talents and accomplishments you should be to for we all have them, these talents and accomplishments no matter how much we undervalue them are very Important as I have realized over the last year, some of them might come naturally to you here are some of mine:
  • One thing that I cherish dearly Is animals believe me when I tell you I would not think twice, If It came to an animal and me I would give my life to save one of them.
  • One of the talents that I have that I get much praise for Is my cooking the way I see It Is throw me In a kitchen give me my music and throw away the key.
  • Some of the things that bring me joy are:

1) When I am around animals and able to help make their life better by adopting them and giving them a good home (my house of course).

2)Supporting and helping others who need It and going home at the end of the day knowing that I have accomplished something is a reward onto itself .

3) Just knowing that when I talk to others, listen and perhaps guide them and give advice should they wish me to I might have made their day and led them to lead perhaps a better life.

  • If I had to describe myself In one sentence I would more than likely say I am very strong-willed, have a good head on my shoulders, and plenty of life experience.
  • I once took a road less traveled and because of that I have become a much stronger person emotionally over time.
  • What got me through most of my struggles Is my belief in and faith In god and saying my prayers everyday It also helped to keep me sane when I was going through a rough time and feeling all alone.
  • Although It has taken me much courage one of my biggest life’s accomplishments is leaving my abusive relationships, being able to talk about It and perhaps one day might turn Into a book In order to help others.
  • I believe that my spirit has called me to reach out to others, be an Inspiration and tell them to never give up on their hopes and dreams.
  • If I could do anything that I wanted to I would save ALL animals from abusive people and the world from global destruction which to me is Inevitable.
  • The most valuable gift that I could ever give anyone Is my friendship.
  • If I could redo the last 5 years of my life I would have tapped Into my sixth sense a lot more than I have.
  • Some of the biggest risks I have taken Is after leaving one of my partners was having to go from shelter to shelter for almost a year to eventually travel halfway across the country, another one of my biggest risks was having got married back In 1983 when I was 19 It ended up being a terrible mistake and costing me dearly In the end.
  • I have a real passion for saving all animals and the world.
  • When I take time to listen to my heart It tells me I would really be good at taking care of animals, be an animal advocate,and be an Inspiration to others.
  • The best portrait that I have of myself Is being a role model for others.
  • One of the things that I do well is cook.

More packing

Oh my god!!

The time is getting closer nine days only!!!! talk about excitement but, at the very same time I am sad only because I will be leaving my good friends behind in the building.

I will be missing my friends here so very much and quite sure that it will be a very emotional day for me when I do leave,  I have promised them that I will be returning for a visit in the coming months hopefully to be renting a car to drive out here to Winnipeg.

On the home front Colin and I have kept in close contact everyday needless to say I am looking forward to seeing him when he arrives here to come and pick me up and head all the way back home taking our time across the prairies, can’t wait to take some pictures on the way back so looking forward to it.

The last couple of days my sleeping schedule, as usual is completely out of whack last night having been Saturday night I went to bed at around 6:30 pm was so tired after having not slept for a couple of nights and did not wake up until after 6:00 pm, this evening (being Sunday) still not feeling like I have had enough rest but when I get to my destination after moving I will be doing nothing but resting and more than likely starting to read my books as well as trying to find a job fairly soon aside from my Avon.

I told Allan on Saturday that I will be moving he was very sad to say the least, we have been friends for a few years now although we have had our differences like everyone else does. I have realized just how much that I am going to be missed here by many people.

I was looking on Kijiji tonight and wow its unbelievable how many jobs that I have found in Calgary already, I am hoping that I will not be out of work for too long as I’m already quite low on my funds.

Eleven more days

Hi Everybody:

Well, as the topic reads, eleven more days and counting until I leave here and can finally start to recover from all the health issues I have had over the last few years and find peace and quiet without having a whole bunch of drunken people on my floor knocking on doors at all hours of the night as well as making noises from one end of the hall to the other, seems the closer I get to moving day the more I am getting excited to move out of Manitoba Housing to begin a new chapter of my life.

My friend and I were finally able to come to a few resolutions about our issues so I am now happy to report that I will, in fact be moving out of this apartment block thank god.

I am really looking forward to having a bigger bedroom with 900 square foot space with a balcony and another balcony in the master bedroom, apparently there is also a workout facility in the building among many other benefits  the best part is though I will be able to see the Rocky mountains from afar with only 90 minutes drive, I can’t wait to go back to Banff and smell the mountain air.

My packing is going well am able to take my time and in the last day or so I have felt quite overwhelmed with all this paperwork that I must get sorted out and file.

I will more than likely sleep for a few days and really rest and relax, unlike what I have been able to do here  for a very long time.  I can’t wait for a barbecue and cook a filet mignon with carrots  butter and maple syrup with a stuffed baked potato and oh did I forget to  mention ribs?.

A brand new start

Hello everyone:

Well, today I am filled with peace and very calm my blood pressure has not risen at all.

 I am so looking forward to whats in store for me in the next couple of weeks and although the moving will be stressful enough It will be a welcome change to be in a bigger city that has nothing but friendly people not to mention there are a ton of jobs out there in Calgary that I can apply for as well as feel safer on the streets walking.

Colin, my friend has done so much for me been a listening ear, giving me so much emotional support,  saw me through being homeless out on the west coast and now he’s going to welcome me into his home so that I can get healthy as I am not very healthy now due to the issues in housing like black mold that I must,  at the moment deal with.

Colin, my friend I have to tell you that he has done more for me than most people I know and helped me out of so many tight binds. I will be moving in with him for a while until I get myself set up with a good job and have some financial stability behind me.

I’m looking forward to moving out of here although the issue of packing  is really very stressful especially having to go through so many papers and sorting stuff out , however,  the good news is that I’m over half way done thank god I cant wait to get this move over with and out of this province for good.

Good-Bye Winnipeg Manitoba

Peyton Place

Please note this blog was written September 23, 2011

Do you remember Peyton Place I think it was the soap opera that was on many years ago back in the day?

It never seems to end when it comes to my current living arrangement the never-ending saga just continues,  why is it that others seem to make up rumors while others just continue along and mind their own business could it be that they just have too much time on their hands?

It would appear that lately I have been the one on the chopping board yet again, I have to tell you its enough to drive you to drink.

First of all today I woke up feeling like I had been run over by a dump truck, and more or less reflecting back on yesterdays events which had transpired between myself and another lady here in the building whom I thought was a good friend of mine only to be slapped in the face although not literally.

The short version is there would appear to be rumors going on in the building about me being a troublemaker and people are gullible and believe it furthermore the adults living in this building act like children playing head games and who can be friends with who like seriously this is just beyond ridiculous.

Due to the fact of being backstabbed on more than one occassion I no longer associate with anyone in this building,  I’ve been backstabbed more times than I care to mention needless to say all this psychological abuse is stressing me out and slowly killing me.

 I feel very isolated, socially inept, and most of all I have ongoing depression which seems to be worsening the longer that I stay in this building lets just hope that things will get better here with time.

What a great day

Hello everyone:

Well, today I must say has been full of surprises as mentioned in my previous blogs I have just finished pulling off three all nighters in a row needless to say I’m quite tired so went to bed relatively early last night being Friday and slept in until 1230PM Saturday,  I had to be at work by 1PM and as it ended up I was late not impressed with myself to say the least.

I had problems signing in to my EZlabour which Is our timesheet sort of speak and by the time I got to dialing on the phone well it was 1:40pm what a way to start off the day and it only got worse from there, I was not feeling very well to start with aches and pains literally I found it so very hard to even get up from my chair and move around, got called into the field managers office and had been written up got  in trouble for getting up and getting a more comfortable chair to sit in funny how I never had a problem doing that before no one ever said anything to me in the last year was told to go home early ask me If I was happy.

Got home and Allan who used to be a friend of mine and no longer is after today approached me to ask me for $0.80 cents not that it is a problem however when you add up all the change I have given him over the last few years It certainly adds up and not once did I ask for it back nor has ever offered to pay it back to me I had warned him about asking me for money he is an alcoholic and I’m sick and tired of enabling him and supporting his habit and finally today was the last straw I shut him down for good.

On a happy note though when I got home from work I met up with Claudette who is a very good friend of mine we are very close went over to the Norwood Hotel across the street I had french onion soup and Claudette had a cup of coffee as she had already ate her dinner we had a good visit when we arrived back in the apartment block that’s when shit hit the fan with me and Allan from then on I was so upset I felt my blood pressure rise with a headache and pain in my collar-bone not a good situation and have calmed down after a few hours of venting at Colin my friend for twenty-five years I tell you some days I don’t know what I would do without him.

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