Its Friday!

Hello everyone:

Well, pulled another all-nighter and slept maybe at most one hour this morning so needless to say I’m having a good start to my day today not!!!!!

I have many things to do today laundry, pick up the small pay cheque that I’m getting and go and get some groceries in my black mold apartment that I live in currently but hopefully not for much longer.

People in the building that I live in that are my friends are quite concerned about me as my attitude has been changing dramatically and may have something to do with the fact that I will be making some changes in the near future,  add anxiety and stress to that what does that equal  recipe for disaster,  I am getting sicker by the day with my stress level rising and the fact that I will be out of work for at least the next two weeks if not longer and hopefully not here long enough to find out  hopefully Colin will come through for me.

I am just really not happy in Winnipeg the people are not friendly, the bus drivers here are rude and speed down the streets and don’t wait for people to sit down before moving, lack of work everywhere with no resources really to help people get on their feet or start a small business unless you want to have one with Avon but with Avon you have the potential to make lots of money however,  as with many things it does take time and does not happen instantly, as well the crime rate here is alarming in fact just the other day up in St Vital which happens to be one of the safer places to live a lady was on her way to work when she got stabbed and heard yesterday that she died ask me if I feel safe in this city,  personally I cant wait to get out of It.

I am suffering very badly today of anxiety and feeling quite anxious  really on edge I have a headache and the things that I usually enjoy I no longer do.

Sometimes I find it so hard to get through the days and can’t wait for the day to be over I really hope that I can get to Calgary fairly soon and start my life over again fresh and new and would like to make it to Calgary in time for Stampede week which is coming up there fairly soon.

First blog entry in fourteen months

Well I am back once again to write in my blog and could not help but notice that it has been 14 months since my last entry wow is all I can say.

So much has happened in the last year, I started a new job just a little over a month ago after not being able to work in over a year due to my disability which is insomnia most nights and it affects my day-to-day living.

I am working as a market research interviewer its only part-time work and only pays me $9.50 per hour but it will do until after christmas and then I will be looking for work full-time and get myself away from this place that I live in and go back west where I belong in Calgary or Vancouver by the water.

More good news on the home front,  when I moved in here we were not allowed to have any animals and now they have changed the policy so now I am able to keep my little Kennie and have to tell you that I worship the ground my little Kennie walks on and everything he wants he gets and now I really have a greater appreciation of people who spoil their children my Kennie is one!

Back in March this past year I became an Avon Representative and was enjoying it immensely and was also doing very well for myself  never had any money problems and was always busy until some other woman in the building took most of my clients away, was I ever mad and I tell you I was really surprised on how many people actually ended up stabbing me in the back and lying to my face,once bitten and twice shy never again will I trust those same people who used to be my clients.

Anyway I am starting to get very tired now so calling it a night will write more on my blog soon.

Depressed and down and out

Hello to one and all:
I could not help but notice that I have not written In my blog for over two months now and have been putting off writing It has now caught up to me and this last hour It has just been hell as I have had many things to think about and has really upset me beyond belief and unable to shake this feeling…although It has been a month or so I am still being affected with the fact that Richard and Marlene both backstabbed me this has to do with the monthly meetings that we were having at the building for the tenants….Richard had offered to help me and since Marlene had previously been on the committee years ago I had asked her to help me with committee stuff she had no problem with that In fact, Marlene and I started to spend much time together and thought that she could be trusted like Richard, sadly that did not happen I had a big surprise In store for me later that week needless to say I felt humiliated, embarassed, full of shame and felt much like a useless piece of shit.

Surprises at the office

Hello to one and all:
I have not written In my blog for quite sometime now and due to many things happening as of late I feel the need to write…first off I am not a very happy camper today lets just say stressed out Is putting It mildly found out over the last day that most of the office Is getting laid off one of which would be me so should make for an Interesting week ahead thank god I was starting to look for another job weeks ago have some Interviews next week lets just hope and pray something pans out for me sooner than later or Im In big trouble It Is now 3AM Saturday morning and I am unable to sleep as I have so much on my mind right now even though I do have my traz 100mg I can take but because Im upset I know that they will not have the same effect on me as they usually do been there done that already.
I was going to write more but It would appear that I am just not In the mood to so Im heading upstairs and going to mop my floors and clean my house from top to bottom so until next time take care to all my friends.

Welcome to dramaville AKA Peyton Place

Hello to one and all:
Looks like we are In for another beautiful day I think spring has sprung what can I say Im an eternal optimist I refuse to believe we will get more snow some have said that Its not over yet I beg to differ…I was just looking at my last blog entry wow been a couple of months already gee how time flies anyways many things have been happening with my life over the course of the last few months and more recently It seems that I am having some really serious concerns about this Insomnia I keep having It seems to be getting much worse  perhaps I need to start doing stairs again I should have never stopped, that really wore me out anyways all that aside …I have noticed that since I have taken on this heavy responsibility of being part of the committee that I have changed from the person I am to someone that I am starting to not like anymore Im not happy, stay to myself more for the love of god I dont even smile anymore that Is so not me and think a big part of It Is because of all this negative bullshit that happens In this fucking building seems these days people lash out at me, get fucking yelled at, and when you try to do something nice In the building for people to make It a better living environment all you get is gossip and backstabbers that seem to want to talk behind your back all the time  and really to be quite honest with you I felt so good when moving In here and dam It why am I so sensitive to stuff It gets so frustrating for me sometimes and now after only being on this committee 2 months Iv had enough I do not like who I have become so have to put an end to this committee thing once and for all and leave It behind me which makes me because I could have made so many changes but there was so much resistance along the way from others It has made me from all the stress It causes me which leads me to another reason why and that Is my health Is really starting to have a really bad effect on me It seems that I can no longer handle the stress that I once could I have also noticed some not so good changes In me and have become what I once was all over again seriously not a good place for me never was and never will be now being the sensitive type that I am not to mention at the best of times Its a real pain In the ass for me, unfortunately I pick up on everything here not only negative shit, I see Into the future, I know how people feel even when I am not near them and yes I do feel what your feeling somedays and you know who you are even you and more recently I have tapped into another one of my abilities which Is sometimes scary for me only one of my friends knows what I am referring to here that lives In this building and I know I can tell her anything and It wont go anywheresome might say that I am very sensitive and emotional well Im here to tell all of you that yes you are correct but remmember but one thing I never asked to be this way this Is just a part of me eithier you fucking accept It or you fucking dont If you dont go to hell because that just prooves to me that you are unable to accept the person that I am and I wont change the way I am for people anymore my famous saying "been there done that already" trust me I use It often, I pick up on all the gossip I just have to walk In a room and not even 1 minute later I know people are talking, pretty sad that peoples lives are so boring they have to make up shit like can we say get a fucking life already  you know sometimes I wish I could just tell people to fuckoff but for me the unfortunate part for me sometimes Is I was brought up to respect others and to be nice even If others treat me differently so I guess Instead of telling people where to go and how to get there I now need to just walk away as otherwise It would give me too much stress and as I said previously If I dont stop and take a step back I will, like my dad have a fucking heart attack and just die I would atleast like to see retirement age thanks and  I might also add on the west coast like Victoria BC and although Victoria Is on the fault line San Andreas I really dont give a shit If we have a tsunamai there we will all die sooner or later anyway, atleast that way I will be by the ocean which being a water sign I need to be by the water It really soothes and relaxes me and when I was out there previously I slept so much better not to mention friendly people and much more relaxing place to be like on the Island there is nothing but retirement age old people  I mean you can walk down the street and people just say hello.
I have much more to write but getting tired my friends Its almost 230 AM I will try to get on tomorrow to write more.
Take care of yourselves and each other Love you all!! 

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