Mistaken traditional assumptions and your legitimate rights as a person

Incorrect traditional assumption   

It is selfish to put your needs before others needs. I believed this for the longest time and after leaving Alpha House with one whole year of counselling I happy  to report that I now for the most part put myself first because if I don’t what good  will I be to myself and others.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to put yourself first, sometimes.

Incorrect traditional assumption

It is shameful to make mistakes you should have an appropriate response for every occasion. I believed this for the longest time, always doing my best to be perfect only to realize there is no such thing as a perfect human being.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to make mistakes.

Incorrect traditional assumption

If you can’t convince others that your feelings are reasonable, then your feelings are wrong. For many years I had a-lot of self-doubt but have now been able to overcome that although it has taken a long time.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to be the last judge of your feelings and accept them as legitimate.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should respect the views of others, especially if they are in a position of authority. Keep your differences of opinion to yourself listen and learn. I thought this for many years because I thought the older the wiser and it is only in the last ten years that I have realized that, in fact I can have my own differences of opinion and it can still be valid.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to your own opinions and convictions.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should always try to be logical and consistent. Well, if your like me when you get upset and/or angry like I am with my room-mate most days all sense of logic goes right out the window.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to change your mind or decide on a different course of action.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should be flexible and adjust. others have good reasons for their actions and it’s not polite to question them.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to protest any treatment or criticism that feels bad to you.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should never interrupt people. Asking questions reveals your stupidity to others.  I used to do this all the time keeping quiet and never asking questions hoping that I got things right the first time and not looking stupid in the end.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to interrupt to ask for clarification.

Incorrect traditional assumption

Things could get even worse, don’t rock the boat. To this very day I still hear this on occasion and it really annoys me.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to negotiate for change.

Incorrect traditional assumptions

You shouldn’t take up others valuable time with your problems. This one was huge for me I used to keep things bottled up inside all the time even when it came to my friends unfortunately I have found out that not sharing and talking to others about things that bother me just does not pay and in the end later in life all you have is health issues.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to ask for help or emotional support

Incorrect traditional assumption

People don’t want to hear that you feel bad so keep it to yourself. I did this all the time and on occasion I still do.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to feel and express pain.

Incorrect traditional assumption

When someone takes the time to give you advice you should take it very seriously they are often right. For me, if I am not sure if I am making the right decision about something and questioning myself I always go to others and ask for the their opinion and although I take it into consideration it does not always mean that person is right but appreciate their input nonetheless.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to ignore the advice of others.

Incorrect traditional assumption

Knowing that you did something wellis it’s own reward. People don’t like show-off’s. Successful people are secretly disliked and envied. Be modest when complimented.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to recieve recognition for your work and achievements.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should always try to accomodate others. If you don’t, they won’t be there when you need them. Well, for me I used to be a people pleaser always accomodating others and not looking after who is most important that being me, a true friend is there no matter what, I have also realized that you can not always accomodate what other people want.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to say no. Sometimes that is still hard for me to do.

Incorrect traditional assumption

Don’t be anti-social. People are going to think you don’t like them if you say you’d rather be alone instead of with them. Nothing irritates me more than this I do not like being around many people and have been told that I am anti-social when the fact is I like to spend time alone with my cats my babies and don’t think that I should have to justify my own actions.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to be alone even if others would prefer your company.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should always have a good reason for what you feel and do.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to not have to justify yourself to others.

Incorrect traditional assumption

When someone is in trouble , you should always help them. I will tell you that used to be a real struggle for me and sometimes it still is on top of my own problems. I have been told still that I take on way too much responsibility for other peoples problems which I have come to realize if I keep doing it, it will affect me in the long run with my health and other things.

Your legitimate right

You have a right not to take responsibility for someone elses problem.

Incorreect traditional assumption

You should be sensitive to the needs and wishes of others, even when they are unable  to tell you what they want. I have always been a very sensitive person to others it’s just who I am and have a gift given to me that allows me to sometimes read other people and know what they are thinking without them saying anything but I have to be in that frame of mind.

Your legitimate right

You have a right not to have to anticipate others needs and wishes

Incorrect traditonal assumption

It’s not nice to put people off. If questioned, give an answer.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to choose not to respond to a situation

My rights as a person and mistaken traditional assumptions

Hello everyone:

 

I have decided that today I will talk about having rights as a person versus mistaken traditional assumptions, all to often we assume things and being a part of society have heard many mistaken traditional assumptions only to find out that It Is not necessarily true here are a few of them:

 

• Mistaken traditional assumption It is selfish to put our needs first before others needs.
• My rights I have the right to put myself first..this Is something that I have just started doing over the last few months as I am so used to not even thinking about myself.
• Mistaken traditional assumption It’s shameful to make mistakes we need to have an appropiate response for every occasion.
• My rights Well considering we do not live In a perfect world we all have the right to make mistakes as no one is perfect.
• Mistaken traditional assumption If we can not convince others that our feelings are reasonable then our feelings must be wrong.
• My rights I have the right to be the judge of my feelings and feel that they are legitimate,  all through my life and my relationships my feelings have been minimized It seemed that unless I felt the same way as others did I was led to believe that I am over exagerating and that It was never a big deal and told to just “get over It”.
• Mistaken traditional assumption We should respect views of others especially so If they are In a position of authority we should keep opinions to ourselves
• My rights Oh boy this one is huge for me, due to past experiences the way It was even without people that were In a position of authority I would not disagree with others of course within reason simply because I did not want people to make my life harder than It already was and It was also an acceptance thing so I have realized now that I do have a right to have my own opinions and convictions no matter what anyone says although It does not mean that others have to agree.
• Mistaken traditional assumption We should always be logical and consistent.
• My rights Although I am logical most of the time when I get very upset and angry my sense of logic goes right out the window and try to be consistent most of the time as well.
• Mistaken traditional assumption We should be flexible and adjust. Others  have good reasons for their actions and not polite to question them.
• My rights I do have the right to protest what I do not like, treatment, critisism and the like anything that does not feel good to me regardless of what others think.
• Mistaken traditional assumption We should not ask questions as It reveals stupidity to others.
• My rights I do have the right as well as anyone else to ask for clarification If I do not understand something this does not mean that I am stupid which I thought for so many years and now I really dont care what others think of me to my way of understanding now If a person asks questions It means that the person has an Interest In the subject.
• Mistaken tradional assumption Things could get even worse so dont rock the boat.
• My rights For many years I believed this thats why I became a people pleaser but have now come to realize over time that I do have the right to negotiate for change even If I do rock the boat I have since realized that although people might not like what I have to say I do have the right to freedom of speech It Is part of our charter of rights and freedoms.
• Mistaken traditonal assumption We should not take up others valuable time with our problems.
• My rights We all have the right to ask for help or emotional support all throughout my life I have been told not to bother them with my Issues and problems and really getting sick and tired of people telling me to just “get over It” In my opinion If someone comes to you and pours their heart out to you they want/need to have a listening ear In my case all I ever really wanted was someone to listen to me and give me some kind of emotional support or even a hug could have made all the difference to me and after reading my life story you will know why.
• Mistaken traditonal assumption Other people do not want to hear that you feel bad, so keep It to yourself.
• My rights I do have the right to feel and express all of my pain, most of the reason why I write In my blog is so that I can express all of that because other people In my past that I have tried to reach out to have not wanted to hear how I have felt and am not a stranger to the fact that others have minimized the ways that I have felt.
• Mistaken traditional assumption Knowing that you did something well is Its own reward people dont like showoffs. Successful people are secretly disliked and envied. Be modest when complimented.
• My rights I do have the right to recieve recogntion for all my hard work and achievements thats one thing I like to have is recognition for a job well done I welcome that anytime recogntion for me Is very Important more than likely because I have been so used to put downs since I left home from people In my relationships, and Inlaws.
• Mistaken traditional assumption We should always try to accomodate others. If we dont they wont be there when we need them.
• My rights I have the right to say “no” I struggled with this up until I left Alpha House being the people pleaser that I once was, all I ever did was accomodate others and get treated like shit and betrayed In return well Im pleased to say not no more.
• Mistaken traditional assumption Dont be anti-social with people as they will think that you dont like them If you say that you would rather be alone Instead of with them.
• My rights I have the right to be alone even If others would prefer my company, for the longest time I had thought the mistaken traditional assumption and actually cared what others thought of me and was sociable even though I did not want to be and now If I want my space I say so and dont care what others think because my real friends will understand and accept It.
• Mistaken traditional assumption You should always have a good reason for what you feel and do.
• My rights We all have a right to not to have to justify ourselves to other people, I have struggled with this for many many years, I finally after later In life to find out that I justified myself to others as a  way of people trying to accept me needless to say It didnt work and bit me In the ass years later so now I no longer justify myself or my actions to others eithier they like me or they dont.
• Mistaken traditonal assumption When someone is In trouble we should always help them.
• My rights I have the right not to take on someone elses responsibilty for somone elses problem well this one was tough for me because what I do Is just automatically help others no matter what however since I have slowed down In life I have my own problems to worry about and about the best that I can do for others now is to give some good wise advice from my own lifes experiences shoud I have any for them and It will be their choice If they take It or not.
• Mistaken traditional assumption Its not nice to put people off , If questioned, give an answer.
• My rights We all have the right to choose not to respond to a given situation….many years ago I used to worry constantly about doing such a thing always thought that I had to answer If questioned about something should not put people off and now I have realized no matter what a person does, thinks or speaks It is the other persons choice on how they respond.