Day eleven in women’s shelter


Hello everyone:

Well, I am happy to report I am still among the living and have not lost my sanity yet but had a few meltdowns already, I am missing my cats, feeling very lost, being homeless and waiting for the other shoe to fall I tell you what a way to live but I am now hoping for not much longer hopefully some good news will be coming for me soon I might still be living here in the Calgary area or I might not at this point it is just a waiting game for me.

Many things have transpired since I last wrote in my blog, Colin has called one of my friends back home and have no clue as to why, at this point I’m not exactly sure what to think anymore so yet again my trust is next to none at this point with anyone I feel that it is best this way for the time being.

I called Colin last weekend to let him know that I will be by hopefully this weekend to come and get the rest of my things out of his apartment that we both shared, for me it was only a temporary solution until I was able to get on my feet. Hopefully it will be this weekend and have decided for all parties involved that it would be best to not have any of his friends move me due to potential problems in the future I really do not want our friends getting in the middle of all this, I would not like to be stuck in the middle and besides it can make for an uncomfortable situation.

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Day two in shelter


Last night after I finished writing in my blog  I took my sleeping pills normally I would be in bed asleep at a decent hour however, last night was not the case  in bed at 9AM this morning and up by 12:30PM. I have been much less stressed out  today than I have in the last five months I was finally able to go out and do what I have wanted to do for months hopped on the west LRT and saw what the fuss was all about took it all the way to 69th street station then I went the opposite direction and went all the way to saddlewood just to pass the time and reflecting what has transpired over the last few months living with Colin.

I have come to realize many things, having lived with Colin these past few months has been exceptionally hard on me as well as my children and because of Colin’s very poor health and unhealthy living conditions by no fault of my own I refuse to blame myself for no longer being there to help him god only knows I really have tried to help him but like the saying goes”you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink” unfortunately for him he has pushed me away so far that I no longer want to be a part of his life anymore unless he straightens up his act which at this point is not in the least bit likely not to mention he probably will not see his next bithday to turn fifty. Sadly and after thinking about this decision bottom line is I am going to do what is best for me and my children now (the cats Keenie and Weston).

I recently told Colin that maybe the reason why people do not want to be around and the fact that he has no friends is because of his attitude and the way he treats others well his response was “I don’t give a sh**” he was very angry with me when I mentioned this which leads me to believe he has some major underlying issues that I am unaware of and seems to me he will not let go of the past now don’t get me wrong I am in no way saying “get over it” but, what I am saying is let it go I explained to him in order to do this you need to be able to let go of ill feelings and to be able to forgive people that have done you wrong I showed him ways in order to do this but, as usual suggestions are ignored and although the fact of letting go is no easy task I will admit he also had the support of friends at one time and at this point  I have pretty much given up helping and his friends no longer want to be around him anymore I mean let’s face it you can only bang your head against a wall so many times.

Anyway onto other stuff, now that I have had my mini vent session here, as mentioned previously I did not get up until 12:30PM due to the fact that I did not get to sleep till 9AM I made some calls today regarding rental units hopefully to book an appointment sometime on Saturday let’ s pray I find a place soon, I feel more at peace now knowing that I have made the right decision to leave I have found peace and quiet here at the shelter and relaxed knowing that my kids are having a nice vacation speaking of kids I think you might find this quite amusing most people think I am out of my mind but that’s okay you have heard of childrens strollers right? Well I have one better how about a pet stroller and yes your eyes are not deciveing what you are reading yes I have my very own pet stroller for the kids cost me $250 but well worth it I thought.

The temperature in Calgary today was minus four I have to tell you what a blessing and welcome change from the cold and no aches and pains like yesterday. I spoke with a couple ladies here in shelter we were exchanging stories and let me tell you some of the ones I have heard are almost mind boggling one girl was telling me that her own mother was abusing her and gave her a black eye  and the other lady I met last night in the kitchen she was telling me her husband had raped their two year old daughter repeatedly I will not go into  more detail. I ask myself why is it that the women are left to fend for themselves and their children and men getting off with a slap on the wrist personally it makes me sick.

Anyway everyone I’m getting really tired so I am going to call it a night

Sleep with angels everyone

In a women’s shelter again!


I never thought I would see the day when I end up in a women’s shelter again but, here I am again on the receiving end. The room-mate who was a good friend of mine for twenty-six years well at this point there is no friendship I think to salvage any longer.

Unfortunately I have had to resort to being separated from my little boys (my cats) Keenie and Weston for a few weeks until I leave shelter, I had to call work today and cancel my shift and it looks like I will have to again tomorrow and one only knows what the future is going to hold for me now.

To tell you the story about what transpired over the Christmas holidays and even over the last few months I have asked Colin repeatedly to clean up after himself, not leave chicken bones on the floor and be careful with his pills yet again have ended up on the kitchen floor, I have also tried to help him with the grief of his mother he will not take any responsibility for his actions instead I find myself on the receiving end of the blame when I have not done anything and only tried to help him there is much more but why go on I’m sure you get the point that I’m trying to make here.

Christmas Eve I have no idea what triggered off  his anger at me but he turned around and yelled, screamed and was shouting at me not to mention threatened to kick me out of the house and up until yesterday when I had a police escort and Carolyn and Derek showed up to help me get the cats out of the apartment only when they showed up did all of this end and of course I had to look like the bad person and Colin in the good books typical abusive scenario.

My babies the kids Keenie and Weston are now in a pet resort on a vacation I love my kids so very much and miss them terribly but at least I know they are in a safe place now and me being in shelter at least there will be no more emotional/psychological abuse to deal with.

 

I love my children


I love cats big or small the picture of this cat looks so much like my Keenie he is beautiful my one child, Weston, my other child looks much different he is beautiful as well, meows a lot and very affectionate and playful.
Keenie, he is a one person cat very territorial and he really is my shadow, when I go to bed he will snuggle up right beside me and his purr puts me to sleep every time, I worship the ground my children walk on.

What my qualities say about me as a person


1) My cats Keenie and Weston they are the love of my life and I worship the ground that they walk on I do not own them they own me.
2) My friends, I have more acquaintances than friends, my friends are always there for me they are much like myself compassionate, caring, thoughtful, loyal just to mention a few always remember that if you have one good friend in the world you have more than what others do.
3) I refuse to give up plain and simple even the toughest challenges in life such as having been homeless, survived abuse such as spiritual, physical, emotional, financial and sexual despite what I have had to endure in my life I have the courage to stand my ground, speak up and continue my life.
4) I have faith, although I have had many dark times in my life where I had lost my faith with the result being depression, I was able to overcome with the help of my faith.
5) I was very lucky I had the greatest parents anyone could ever ask for being brought up to respect your elders, take your shoes off when you enter someone elses home, as well as excusing yourself from the table all these that I mentioned I still do to this very day and more god bless my parents.

Counting the days hoping for my own apartment soon


Hi everyone:

I have been so very busy lately and not had time to write on my blog but tonight I have been able to find some time after a really hectic busy couple of weeks. Well, my room-mate again for the fifth time is back in hospital due to yet another skin infection he went in on Saturday night I am very concerned about him he seriously is a walking time bomb I swear because of his weight problem, hygeine issues and the continous smoking and over the last three months it does not appear that he has made any progress in doing anything productive with his life.

We have had many fights as of late my blood pressure is seriously on the rise, I`m tired because I am continously cleaning the apartment getting really worn out and have to tell you I`m starting to get really frustrated as far as this living arrangment is concerned, not to mention not only am I stressed out but now all of this fighting and stress is starting to affect my cats as well for example when we had this arrangement that I would be moving here on a temporary basis we had an agreement that there was going to be no smoking in the apartment because of my cats being allergic to the smoke he agreed not to, this apartment has two balconies one in the  living room which I use as well as him the other is in his bedroom which he never uses, I spoke with him regarding this smoking  issue and kindly ask that if he wished to smoke in the apartment to atleast go in his room and open his own balcony door and smoke in there and he chose not to comprimise so my cats have to put up with this smoking habit of his once was in the living room and once in the kitchen so until I move I have no other choice but to deal with this which causes me much stress.

I must put an end to this soon so my plan is to move out soon and if need be I will have to find a hotel room across the street from where I live my health is starting to get worse and my cats are also being affected with this living arrangement.

On a better note I started a new job today at Direct Buy working in a call centre I am so happy and it pays $12.00 hour this is such a relief for me I will be independent again and have a sense of self worth doing something productive with my life and having long as well as short term goals some of them getting a car, taking a much needed vacation and an apartment of my own.

I must go for now have many things things to do sleep with angels everyone and take care

Who or what brings the best out in me


kitties

My babies, I have two cats named Keenie and Weston they are the love of my life I would do anything for them they always get treated like royalty and most of all they really do bring out the best in me.

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A little bit of help


Well, today there have been many things going on in the house, Lately I have started to feel like more of a maid than a room-mate I’m starting to feel resentful of Colin having to do almost everything since I arrived here moving boxes, trying very hard to get some sense of organization around here  I am even unable to cook in the kitchen due to a mess that I have asked Colin to take care of repeatedly going on three days tomorrow I have also done all of his laundry as well as mine and all I have asked him for is to wipe the tables, clean the kitchen, empty dishwasher which seems to be a task, like I really understand that Colin has some health issues and his mobility is not the best but there are some things that can be done if you sit on a chair.

A lot of the stuff Colin and I have are in boxes which takes up a lot of room here and trying to move around in this apartment is very difficult so I think I will be talking to Colin in the next day or so getting this stuff moved out of this apartment  this being disorganized is really stressing me out really bad as well as my cats and really to be quite honest with you I wish I had stayed in housing now as opposed to being here as there were no messes, there was a sense of organization and not having to ask someone to do anything which I’m feeling like I have to do constantly and starting to get sick and tired of it already and have not been here for ten days yet.

The kids have settled in nicely with no problems really other than the fact that one cat gets jealous of the other seems that Kennie does not want to have Weston on the bed when he’s sleeping Kennie gets very mad with me Weston however not much bothers this cat he just wants lots of love and attention just like my Kennie they are both the love of my life I love them more than I love life itself.

Since living here with Colin I have slept very well it’s also very quiet here and would like to start looking for work very soon was thinking front desk at one of the hotels that is nearby we went to Dairy Queen the other day and they are paying $12.00/hr so I guess the wages have gone up since I was living in Calgary five years ago which is a good thing I think later I will check out the Canada Job Bank too.

No sleep


Hi Everyone:

I just realized that I have not written in my blog for quite sometime now it has been many months and need to start writing again..so much has happened to me since my last post and i’m just not sure on where to begin.

For the last week I have pulled off three all nighters and stayed up all day, I am just unable to sleep at night could be due to stress,  and many other things going on in my life and the likelihood that I will have to move to a different apartment now that I have found out there is black mold in my apartment right underneath my window, I am getting very sick and so are my kids (the cats Keenie and Weston).

I have also, in the last month had hardly any work,  my last pay cheque was just a little over $50 to last me a whole two weeks  and this week I have not worked any shifts as they have all been cancelled needless to say I am not in the least bit impressed.

Winnipeg is not only a dirty city in my opinion but, a poorly run one at that not to mention has the highest crime rate per capita and high unemployment rates no wonder there is so much crime going on.

I think that’s why most people who have lived in Winnipeg have been relocating,  for the simple reason there is no work to be had and I have  tried to find work elsewhere and there just isn’t any,  all I can say is thank god for Avon I don’t make much but at least I have a little to get me through the couple of weeks that I am without.

 

First blog entry in fourteen months


Well I am back once again to write in my blog and could not help but notice that it has been 14 months since my last entry wow is all I can say.

So much has happened in the last year, I started a new job just a little over a month ago after not being able to work in over a year due to my disability which is insomnia most nights and it affects my day-to-day living.

I am working as a market research interviewer its only part-time work and only pays me $9.50 per hour but it will do until after christmas and then I will be looking for work full-time and get myself away from this place that I live in and go back west where I belong in Calgary or Vancouver by the water.

More good news on the home front,  when I moved in here we were not allowed to have any animals and now they have changed the policy so now I am able to keep my little Kennie and have to tell you that I worship the ground my little Kennie walks on and everything he wants he gets and now I really have a greater appreciation of people who spoil their children my Kennie is one!

Back in March this past year I became an Avon Representative and was enjoying it immensely and was also doing very well for myself  never had any money problems and was always busy until some other woman in the building took most of my clients away, was I ever mad and I tell you I was really surprised on how many people actually ended up stabbing me in the back and lying to my face,once bitten and twice shy never again will I trust those same people who used to be my clients.

Anyway I am starting to get very tired now so calling it a night will write more on my blog soon.

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