In a women’s shelter again!

I never thought I would see the day when I end up in a women’s shelter again but, here I am again on the receiving end. The room-mate who was a good friend of mine for twenty-six years well at this point there is no friendship I think to salvage any longer.

Unfortunately I have had to resort to being separated from my little boys (my cats) Keenie and Weston for a few weeks until I leave shelter, I had to call work today and cancel my shift and it looks like I will have to again tomorrow and one only knows what the future is going to hold for me now.

To tell you the story about what transpired over the Christmas holidays and even over the last few months I have asked Colin repeatedly to clean up after himself, not leave chicken bones on the floor and be careful with his pills yet again have ended up on the kitchen floor, I have also tried to help him with the grief of his mother he will not take any responsibility for his actions instead I find myself on the receiving end of the blame when I have not done anything and only tried to help him there is much more but why go on I’m sure you get the point that I’m trying to make here.

Christmas Eve I have no idea what triggered off  his anger at me but he turned around and yelled, screamed and was shouting at me not to mention threatened to kick me out of the house and up until yesterday when I had a police escort and Carolyn and Derek showed up to help me get the cats out of the apartment only when they showed up did all of this end and of course I had to look like the bad person and Colin in the good books typical abusive scenario.

My babies the kids Keenie and Weston are now in a pet resort on a vacation I love my kids so very much and miss them terribly but at least I know they are in a safe place now and me being in shelter at least there will be no more emotional/psychological abuse to deal with.



If you have a dream go after it

There is nothing stopping you


When you feel like giving up read this

I have had so many times where I felt like giving up and then like this saying says why have I held on so long? My answer, I’v come this far why give up now and that god will never dish you out anything that you are not able to handle so hang in there.


We all have the courage don’t give up!


An inspirational quote to start your day

Your daily quote

Treasure each day that god has given us

Try to live each day as if it were your last.

Be positive and build your self-esteem

Well today I started to go through my binders about abuse hoping that It would trigger more memories for me and as It turns out I have more than what I bargained for the memories are coming from here there and everywhere can’t seem to keep up but In any event I am going to write what I can today beginning with more positive stuff that we did while I was In Alpha House.
On Tuesdays when we had women’s group we had an exercise to do I guess It was more on building self-esteem about ourselves, at first I had troubles thinking of positive things about myself but over the course of a few days and thinking extremely hard I realized there are some good things about myself some of which I wish to share with you here, the dots represent we had to add something :
I have a good sense of….humor
I have been told  that I have pretty….brown eyes
I like myself because…..I have the ability to make changes In my life
People often compliment me about….my cooking
I am most happy when….I work and help with animals
One of the many positive traits I have Is….determination
I look good when….I dress up and go somewhere nice or go for dinner
I consider myself a good….person with a big heart
I have a natural talent for….cooking and being around animals seems that animals are drawn to me
…God….loves me!
I like the way I feel about myself when I….have animals around me
I know that I will be successful In life because I will….be and continue to be determined
Another exercise that we were asked to do was Things I’m proud of now In our culture someone who brags Is seen as being self-centered and boring however, I do not  see It that way, In the context of healing from abuse, pride Is an appropriate affirmation of accomplishments, some of my accomplishments and things that I am proud of are as follows:
For having the courage to leave abuse and get help.
For keeping my sanity through all the abuse I have had to endure over the course of 25 years yes, I said 25 years.
Becoming Independent again and plan to stay that way for the rest of my life thanks.
Working through my Issues and finally being able to understand abuse, part of my healing Is doing this writing and hopefully to turn Into a book one day and being able to help others.
Putting myself first which I have never done Instead I always look after others first, Instead of myself well not anymore I am NUMBER ONE!!!

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