Self-esteem and how it affects you


I came across this article all about self-esteem the other day from Alpha House and would now like to share it with you

Definition of self-esteem is:

Many things make up  self-esteem. Here are some of the key components and what I used to do and sometimes I still do.

  • The ideas you have about yourself when I left my partner I thought of myself as a looser and failure.
  • How you feel about yourself I have to tell you I was not in a good place.
  • What you say about yourself  constant self sabotage that is what I was doing.
  • How you act towards yourself and how you act toward others I did not want to talk to anyone and kept myself isolated most of the time I also got sick because I hardly ever ate and had a sleep problem which I still do.
  • The trust you have in yourself I did not have any I was always second guessing myself and what I was doing.
  • The acceptance you have in yourself I wanted to change to a better person however I had no guidance from anyone to help get me there.
  • The acceptance for who you are I constantly go through struggles, feeling alone most of the time still in a state of depression and have now accepted things for the way that they are getting through life the best way I know how and reading lots of self-help books..
  • The awareness of your abilities, competencies and limitations I have many abilities competent at many things and have some limitations.

How is self-esteem developed?

Self-esteem is not developed  solely by a single reason, in fact, many factors help to shape our self-esteem.

  • The environment where we were raised  in I had a wonderful childhood with my parents I never knew what abuse was or that it was even existent.
  • Your parents limitations and expectations of you from any other significant adult raising you I did not have to deal with that.
  • Other people’s beliefs in your abilities being significant adults, teachers, coach,counsellor, mentor, godparents, grandparent or guardian there were so many people who believed in me and my abilities I always felt so good about myself and I was always so happy I looked so forward to going to school and then coming home and spending the evening with my parent’s life for me back then was great.
  • Learned messages from others which were from childhood and carried into adulthood to help form your self concept.Well, this one is hard for me one thing I remember is that my mother’s sister Kathleen when I was eight years old  I was over at her house cleaning her bathroom and remember hearing from her the words “when your mother and father are gone I want nothing more to do with you” I am now fifty and remember this clearly from forty-two years ago, I kept this to myself and never told my parents because I know how much it would hurt them and I also did not want to cause any friction in the family.
  • Accumulation of your life’s emotional experiences both good and bad I’m not sure where to start with this one as mentioned in statement three and four these are some of the things I dealt with growing up and now that I am an adult there are other factors as well I have been in many bad relationships before and with the help of Alpha House I have been able to stop the cycle of abuse and violence I have also unfortunately been put in a situation on more than one occasion where I have been homeless eating in a soup kitchen and although I am happy that there are places such as these it really does not do much for your self-esteem  I think that was one of the lowest points in my life there are many other factors but to heavy to get into now perhaps an other day.
  • Relationships with friends, partners, children directly affects  how you see yourself and what you think about yourself  I am so afraid of anyone getting too close to me as I do not want anyone seeing my faults.
  • How others treat you and what they say about you  Quite honestly I`m afraid to know what other people say about me.

All these external forces help to shape and formulate our self-esteem and self-image. Self-image is pictures or images you have about yourself in your mind.

Self-talk is what one says about yourself. Self-talk is a link between self-awareness and self-esteem. It can either reinforce an already existing image or used to change opinions and attitudes you have about yourself. Positive self talk is a powerful tool for change and improvement which I find sometimes very hard to do.

Negative self-talk and negative thoughts are very destructive and disempowering which I have found myself doing lots of in the past. It is critical to consciously pay attention to these and to arrest them in mid thought or mid sentence.

Things to remember

  • It’s important to remember we have a choice.
  • We can choose being negative or choose being positive sometimes I need to remind myself of this.
  • We can choose to change the way we see ourselves or stay the way we are.

We can begin by changing to positive self-talk.

People with good self-esteem can:

  • Make their own decisions.
  • Ask others for help.
  • Have faith in their own competency.
  • Appreciate their own worth.
  • Respect others.
  • Show trust and hope.
  • Accept feelings without guilt.
  • Accept responsibility for their behavior.
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Packing day


Hello everyone:

Well, today has been full of surprises,  my friend Claudette who is 73 and has been a close friend of mine for years now took me out to dinner for chinese food what a wonderful environment to be in it was so relaxing and don’t feel any heaviness like we both do where we both live.

Claudette has also helped me do some of my packing but most of the time I just tell her to sit down just having her keep me company is enough, I have boxes all over my small 275 foot apartment my cats are wondering what on earth is going on and seriously overwhelmed with everything.

I spoke with Colin, another friend of mine this evening and have to say I’m not in the least bit impressed at the moment he is a smoker and keeps coughing in my ear when we are on the phone knowing full well it gives me a headache, I have asked him I don’t know how many times to stop but no it still continues and getting to the point of shouting at him now because it doesn’t seem like he listens to me I’m sick and tired of it already I have a migraine headache now.

Today when I had gone across the street to Shoppers for boxes I had come back home with boxes in the cart as I was struggling to keep them in my cart some people outside the building where I live were looking at me and not one person asked me if I needed help but yet again they have no problem asking me why I need boxes I have to tell you I’m ready to tell them all off I’m so sick and tired of this place.

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