Recent updates

Hello my fellow bloggers and followers:

It has been a while since I have written on my blog, I have been so busy and many things have happened to me in the past month or so not to mention my stress level has been on the uprise for the last week.

In January I don’t know if I told you about this but I was in an accident with a transit bus, I was also in the process of moving into my apartment at the end of January 2013 after having been in women’s shelter for approx one month it sure was nice to have my independence, live my life alone with my cats as I really do enjoy my company.

Two weeks into February 2013 we all had a surprise in our call centre, the general manager gave all of us without having any notice what so ever was closing down the call centre immediately, this was our last shift I have to tell you I was not in the least bit impressed so here I was just having moved into my apartment I’m beside myself so what do I do now?.

Other than being stressed out wondering what I am going to do, not knowing how I am going to pay rent, put food on the table, have a bus pass and I am unable to work due to this accident as I have physiotherapy three times per week for the last two months now, today I have had close to fourteen treatments of physiotherapy with no signs of physiotherapy ending anytime in the future and now that I am unable to work for an extended period and have had to apply for unemployment insurance which, turns out, will only be paying me $119 per week for fifteen weeks not to mention that social assistance will have to cover almost everything at this time.

I also forgot to mention that the owner of the building that I moved into in February 2013 well he plans to hike up the rent yet another $50.00 needless to say I am not very happy to say the least. I am  frustrated about many things it always seems to me that when I take a few steps ahead I get further behind.


Treating people and animals with respect and compassion

  • We can cure physical illness with medicine but the only cure for loneliness, despair and hopelessness is love.
  • There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more who are dying for a little love.
  • Let us not be satisfied with just giving money, money is just a piece of paper that anyone can get.
  •  Others they need our hearts to love them so spread love where-ever you go.
  • There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more who are dying for a little love.
  • Please remember to not forget our homeless animals who have no-one to love them please adopt from your local animal shelters and please make a donation to our animal shelters during the Christmas season.

On behalf of all the animals and people out there a great big hug and big thank you.

Things that I used to do to cope and survive

There are many ways that people deal with stress, and cope everyday, for me back in Sept 2009 after leaving my last relationship because my partner changed and at the end getting a hold of my throat and trying to choke me I ended up homeless living on the street trying to keep myself sane, it was so hard to the point I dread waking up.

There were many ways I dealt with my stress here are some of them:

My eating was a real problem, I had no appetite the sight of food used to make me just gag even the smell of it believe me when I tell you I lived off nothing but junk food and most days I would eat nothing at all it’s amazing I’m still here to tell the story.

Alcohol and drugs, I have never done either of these but came very close to doing so as a way of coping and now because I have been homeless I now have a deeper appreciation for the people who are and have a greater understanding about why homeless people turn to alcohol and drugs.

Self-neglect, You know I was at such a low point in my life I just did not care about anything whatsoever, in fact I was living in Victoria BC when I took a transit bus to the beach and started to walk into the ocean and to this very day I still do not remember what happened after that all that I remember was I had suffered from post traumatic syndrome for some time sad state of affairs.

Criticize myself, looking back, I really was my own worst enemy I did not feel like I was worth anything, thought of myself as a useless piece of trash should have, could have, would have kind of attitude on the path of self-destruction.

Keeping busy, when I was suffering from depression and still do to this very day, I keep busy to the point where people have to call me on my cell phone because they are unable to find me and I even drive my room-mate crazy because when I start cleaning and doing other things I will not stop even though my room-mate tells me to stop and take a breath I still keep going like a Duracell battery no joke.

Self-conscious, I have always been the type that is very self-conscious when people look at me I think whats wrong is my make-up on wrong, not color coördinated among other things, I guess I’m so used to being insulted that honestly I do not know any different.

Isolate myself, after all the things I had been through being in many shelters, homeless and then finally settling into Alpha House in Winnipeg, Manitoba I began to isolate myself from people sleeping most days away watching television at night the only time people saw me in Alpha House was when we had to go to counselling sessions the women’s group being the hardest.

Nail biting, although this is yet another way of how some people cope, for me, I have always had this nervous habit since I was young and still do to this very day.

Overeat, when I finally made it to Alpha House I was able to settle down for the most part keeping a regular sleep routine and doing a-lot of reading and overeating whatever was in sight I ate.

Call in sick to work, when I was finally able to start working a part-time job in Winnipeg it took everything I had to even walk out the door. I  did not feel like going to work and  still dealing with depression my job didn’t last long as I found myself calling into work most days and finally gave up.

Cleaning everything , this is something that I still do to this very day when ever I am upset.

People pleaser, I was one of these kind of people doing things people wanted me to do all the time ,  just to get acceptance I took a good hard look at myself  and found all I ever did was get walked on thankfully Alpha House changed all that as my outlook is much different now it’s not my problem if people don’t like me it’s their loss.

Cry,  when I left my partner in Sept 2009 from that point on I had many times where I would cry myself to sleep, feeling depressed, feeling so alone wishing the days would be over.

Counselling,  when I was going through all this trauma I went to counsellors hopefully to try to help me get through this and one counsellor told me “get over it” well after that comment  I never talked to another counsellor until I got to Alpha House.

Bottle everything up, this is exactly what I did for many years and now that I am much older I am paying dearly for it as I have many health problems now so learn from me do not bottle things up because it will only give you health problems in the end talk to a good close friend.

Completely shut down, this was me I became very numb did not care about anything pretty much,  lost everything I ever had and to the point where I wished I had not awaken the next day not to mention loosing my sanity in the process.

Break out into a rash, this was a constant thing for me and because I kept everything bottled up I paid for it by loosing some of my hair and breaking into rashes .

Our day in Banff National Park

Hello everyone:

Well today is Saturday the 18th of August and on Thursday this week Colin and I had a wonderful day, Colin had just gotten out of the hospital and wanted to go and do something after him being in the hospital for over two weeks.

Due to Colin’s stay in hospital all I did was clean and hibernate in the apartment, sending out the resumes and getting back into my Avon business.

Anyway, Colin and I decided to go to Banff for the day it was a fun-filled one at that we went to the Bow Falls and I got some pretty awesome pictures which I will be posting at a later date, I also took a couple of pictures of the  back of the Banff Springs Hotel with one picture of the Rimrock Hotel where I once stayed many years ago, I might suggest to anyone reading my blog that if you end up in Banff that you stay at anyone of the above mentioned hotels you will not walk away unhappy I might also add be ready to spend money because it’s not cheap by any means well worth it though.

After I got in all the pictures I could before dark we went to the Keg Steakhouse for dinner I had a bowl of french onion soup for an appetizer then a ten ounce filet mignon with onion and peppers with béarnaise sauce when I took my first bite you would have thought that I went to heaven it tasted that good.

When we return to Banff again I will be heading up the mountain on the gondola and can only imagine the breathtaking pictures I will be able to take from the top of the mountain and of course I will be posting those pictures as well.

Helping people who help themselves

Hello everyone:

Well, as the heading says I help people who help themselves sick and tired of having excuses all the time from Colin, for the sake of his own health I am trying to help him quit smoking which he promised me he would try before he even came out to get me from Winnipeg or make an attempt to or at the very least, cut down to ten cigarettes per day but thus far nothing has worked and getting sick and tired of banging my head against a wall.

I am now starting to get a headache, enough is enough and after tonight having gone to walmart to pick up some nicorette lozenges for him spending an hour with a sales associate looking for it only to get in the car and having Colin telling me he can’t take it he said because of the medication that he is taking I then told Colin to call Alberta health links where he can speak to a nurse who is able to give him the correct information, well he never did so what that is basically telling me is that he can’t be bothered so all I can say is I’m done with helping him on this issue plain and simple as far as his smoking is concerned he is now on his own period done helping.

All I have ever done in my life is help others now it is time for me to look after me as the saying goes “help people who help themselves” there was someone else who is still a friend of mine who still lives in Manitoba Housing I have tried to lead him in the right direction as far as his alcohol problem on several occasions needless to say whatever I suggested was completely ignored it seemed as though his alcohol was much more important that his food he next to never had any food in the house and was always asking others to feed him I don’t know how many times I said “no” I was not going to enable him anymore  what made things much worse  the last month I was in Manitoba Housing was after banging my head yet again, against a brick wall I kept on telling him to not continuously knock on my door for money which happened at least twice per week for the last six months with a warning that if he asked me again it would be the last time I talk to him.

Well, he asked me again and I completely losted my last nerve and gave it to him with both barrels needless to say he never asked me ever again and our friendship has never really been the same since and now having moved to Calgary I have only called him twice I feel that the friendship is slowly disappearing now so sad  all I can do is just pray for him now.

Keeping busy

Hi Everybody:

Well, as the title says another day of unpacking boxes good grief please tell me this will all end soon I’m worn out but sure getting a workout these days just buzzing around the apartment lifting boxes, cleaning you name It I’ve probably done it already, Colin has already cleaned the kitchen and have just given him more work to do, I had gone into one of my boxes today only to find a whole pile of stuff from my kitchen cupboard pancake mix, couple of instant mashed potatoes, ginger peach tea which happens to be very good to sip on if you have an upset stomach as well as barbeque utensils which will come in really handy considering we have a barbeque right outside the balcony door none of that to buy at least.

Later today we will be going out to do even more errands go over to Pet Value, do more shopping for Colin go over to Walmart stock up on food looks like in the future I will be pretty much in charge of doing the grocery shopping for the both of us I am getting lots of raw vegetables for Colin and have frozen strawberries although he had asked for fresh ones FYI the fresh ones that you buy in the store have been sprayed with insecticides and pesticides and although you might wash them before you eat them turns out that the insecticides and pesticides are still on them which obviously is not healthy for you so we have nothing but frozen fruits in the house now the same also goes for grapes so I don’t eat them anymore.

Colin has Tide laundry detergent in his house and I will be telling him that it is a proctor and gamble product that tests all their products on animals as well as other products go to this link for further information or send me a comment Nestle also is another culprit as they do vivisection on live animals so I do not buy any Nestle products anymore since I found out this information, and I am telling everyone I know about this very issue  as well so that they are aware of it too.

Since living here in the apartment having moved so many boxes for the last few days I have had much pain in my right shoulder so after three days of nothing but pain I asked Colin if he would please drive me down to the midnapore walk-in medical clinic which he did one of the first things that I noticed was how friendly the staff are in fact last night I had one of the nurses (Jennifer) ask if I would like a juice and a few crackers of course I said yes please and of course having been there before about some abuse issues many years ago she asked me if I was doing okay talk about concerned people I highly doubt that you would find anything like this in a Winnipeg hospital due to my past experiences in Winnipeg hospitals, when the doctor finally came in she was very friendly and seemed really concerned about me was told there was no medication that I could take orally but was given a cream instead to apply to my affected areas which seems to work very well she also showed me some exercises that I can do for my arm and shoulder her name was Dr. Hawke’s got my refills for my medications that I take on a regular basis for the next two weeks as well.

Upon closing good day everyone and take care of yourself

Just another day

Hi Everyone:

I had a really good day today with Colin, the day began when we were sitting on the balcony having coffee we sat and talked about some things one of them was on the kitchen issue.As I had mentioned in yesterday’s blog finally a miracle happened  the kitchen has finally been cleaned  after five days of being a pest now I can finally start to make some home cooked meals for Colin and I instead of eating out all the time not that I mind that but it really starts to get quite costly if it happens everyday

We went out to Peter’s drive in, which is on 16th Avenue this place has been around since I was a child they are best known for their famous burgers been four long years since I had one and let me tell you did it ever taste good the milkshake that I had as well which was orange and licorice combination yummy, we had gone to do a few errands then Colin decided to drop in to Boston Pizza in Avenida village, turns out he wanted to have beef dip and well I ended up having a steak sandwich that was very yummy although I was not really hungry and when we finally got home it was relatively late close to midnight I think.

I have had a couple of late nights this past week and think it is all starting to catch up to me  as I am starting to feel run down so I’m putting an end to that and will be starting to go to bed at the same time every night early like no later than eleven pm hopefully.

We had a bad thunderstorm here this evening there were also tornado warnings in some surrounding areas one of which was Airdrie others were Olds and Beiseker just to name a few, speaking of which I always had an interest in being a tornado chaser living life on the edge sort of speak think this would be interesting work.

I’m getting tired now think I will call it a night take care and sleep with angels

Eleven more days

Hi Everybody:

Well, as the topic reads, eleven more days and counting until I leave here and can finally start to recover from all the health issues I have had over the last few years and find peace and quiet without having a whole bunch of drunken people on my floor knocking on doors at all hours of the night as well as making noises from one end of the hall to the other, seems the closer I get to moving day the more I am getting excited to move out of Manitoba Housing to begin a new chapter of my life.

My friend and I were finally able to come to a few resolutions about our issues so I am now happy to report that I will, in fact be moving out of this apartment block thank god.

I am really looking forward to having a bigger bedroom with 900 square foot space with a balcony and another balcony in the master bedroom, apparently there is also a workout facility in the building among many other benefits  the best part is though I will be able to see the Rocky mountains from afar with only 90 minutes drive, I can’t wait to go back to Banff and smell the mountain air.

My packing is going well am able to take my time and in the last day or so I have felt quite overwhelmed with all this paperwork that I must get sorted out and file.

I will more than likely sleep for a few days and really rest and relax, unlike what I have been able to do here  for a very long time.  I can’t wait for a barbecue and cook a filet mignon with carrots  butter and maple syrup with a stuffed baked potato and oh did I forget to  mention ribs?.

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