Positive attitude will get you positive results

I thought that today I would share some positive affirmations for Happiness and Forgiveness and although for me, sometimes I find it hard to live by these affirmations I do try all the same, it can change our outlook on how we see things sometimes too.

  • Happiness does not depend upon who I am or what I have, It depends on what I choose  to think.
  • Today I am issuing a free pardon to all my locked up feelings, By forgiving them I am free too.
  •  Starting today, I forgive everyone who has ever hurt me in any way. I accept they had their problems  and likely still have. They can keep them, they are no longer my problem.
  • When you forgive someone, it is for your benefit, not theirs. They still have the guilt, but you no longer resent.
  • I forgive you for being the way you were. Something caused you to act that way, so I release you because I am ready to move on now.
  • The person you find hardest to forgive, is the one you actually need to start with.
  • You don’t have to know how to forgive, you only need to decide to, and it happens.
  • I now believe their own pain made them behave the way they did, so I am ready to forgive them and start healing my pain.
  • I can move beyond myself into the place where forgiveness lives so I can start to live.
  • This will pass; good things happen to good people. Good people remember but forgive.
  • You can bury feelings, but forgiveness lets them breathe.
  • Having a dark past does not stop me from having a bright future.

Trauma and how it has affected my life

I came across an article today about trauma and although it might be obvious to some people what trauma is, for others maybe not so obvious. Other people, like myself, years ago may second guess themselves as to what trauma really is and just plain think like I did and say to themself “oh I’m just over-reacting” it also did not help that people said the same thing to me, I guess if you hear it enough from others you begin to believe it too.

I am taking this article about trauma and writing about it here and to tell my story as well.

One in ten Canadians are living with the impacts of trauma I am one of them.These events cause terror, intense fear, horror, helplessness and physical stress reactions I continue to experience physical stress reactors to this day and when I get upset and stressed out I actually feel very sick.The impact of these events does not simply go away when they are over.Instead traumatic events are profound experiences that change the way children, adolescents and adults see themselves, the traumatic events that I have experienced in my life some of them still haunt me to this very day. I will talk of those at a later date.

A traumatic event involves a single experience, or enduring or repeated events,that completely overwhelm an individual’s ability to cope or integrate the ideas and emotions involved in that experience, traumatic events are beyond a persons control. It is not the event that determines whether something is traumatic to someone but the persons experience of the event.

Events that cause trauma

Homelessness, which I have experienced, when you have experienced this I can assure you it will change the way you look at a homeless person you will not treat them the same.

Sexual abuse, emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, financial abuse and lastly psychological abuse which unfortunately I have also been on the receiving end this one is really hard to deal with.

Rape from a person I did not know and honestly I thought my life was over.

Neglect,In my case I was on the receiving end of this when I became pregnant twenty-six years ago from my now former husband It was like I was just a maid he never cared about me looking back in retrospect.Long story, this subject will be on a different blog.

These are just some events that cause trauma with lingering effects that I, myself, have experienced.

Many people, like myself, have survived these types of events and still feel the impact and sometimes compromising my way of life. Because the traumatic experience was so terrible, it is normal for people to block experiences from memory I have done this, or try to avoid any reminders of the trauma like I have done with my father’s death,and to this day I still do not remember what happened after the church service and with my first newborn baby, to this very day if I hear one cry I get very upset and have to leave the room as this is a reminder of one of the children that I did have but died. Consequences of these survival mechanisms are a lack of integration of the traumatic experience, such that it becomes the experience in a person’s life. The lack of processing of the trauma means that it is ever-present for the survivor, and they feel as if the trauma happened yesterday when it could have been months or many years later in my case twenty-six.

The impact of traumatic events

The impact of traumatic events is felt physically, emotionally, behavioral, cognitively and spiritually I am living proof of that. Tthis is normal, and is the body’s way of coping with very difficult emotions. Talking about traumatic experiences is very hard and takes courage to speak up about.It has taken me years to open up and talk about what has happened to me I am now finally able to open up about things to hopefully help others who may have or are in the same situation remember this:

  • It is not your fault
  • You have survived I am living proof
  • Healing is possible look for resources in your neighborhood talk to friends and family that you can trust go to a counsellor/psychiatrist anything, the help is there to overcome these issues please use them as I have

Experiencing trauma changes people it did me, you may worry that you will never feel normal again that’s what I thought.Healing is the road to feeling normal and grounded. This journey is different for everyone,but the result is still the same being able to feel whole again.

Here are some myths and truths about Trauma which you may have already heard

Myth one

It happened a long time ago, time heals all wounds, you need to get over it.

The truth is I have had this said to me so many times and quite honestly so sick and tired of hearing it. It’s not that easy to do and I never exaggerate. The fact is trauma survivors rarely exaggerate their feelings and experiences. Just finding the courage to talk  about it can take years like it has taken me.I was afraid of being disbelieved and blamed  for the terrible experiences that we are powerless to prevent like I have.

Myth two 

You are exaggerating how bad it was to get attention and blame other people for your problems.

The truth is I don’t exaggerate and blame others for my problems many times people told me “you bring it on yourself” that is garbage plain and simple I have since realized that people I have before reached out to that said that well I no longer associate with any of them to me they are “toxic people” to my mental health. The fact is the impacts of traumatic events are often delayed  because people banish the memories from their consciousness like I have as this is a way to survive. By the time  people actually feel the full impact it could be many years since the trauma occurred which happened here in my case.

Myth three

You will never really be normal again.

The truth is If you hear  that very thing you may start to belive it I was starting to wonder what normal really was I could not see the forest for the trees meaning when you are in the moment  you don’t see things from an outsiders point of view. The fact is  trauma survivors may become stronger  and more resilient as a result of surviving and healing from their experiences. For me, this is the case, many years ago I never thought I would be writing like this not to mention trying to get through a day I am now so glad that I am able to write about these issues, not cry anymore and be able to reach out to others who might be going through this type of thing now or have before perhaps even saving ones life.

 Myth four

Once you get on the right medication you will be fine.

The truth is at least in my case, medication was not the only thing that I needed. I needed the counselling which is what I received when I finally arrived at Alpha House in Winnipeg four days a week intense counselling for almost an entire year along with medication to help me sleep at night which I still have to take to this very day otherwise I will not sleep and not be able to work the next day. The fact is medication is only one option for people in healing from the impacts of trauma. Healing is the process that involves time, and happens in partnership with supportive and understanding friends, family, community and helping professionals which luckily after years of searching and moving to a different province I was able to find through Alpha House and Nova House in Selkirk Manitoba. I will be forever grateful to them.

There are options available to begin the healing process please use them

  • Your nearest mental health association they can give you many resources
  • Talk about it like I have here, Trauma must be talked about  and brought out into the open. This is one of the most important steps  on the road to healing. It is also one of the hardest things to do belive me I know. Talking to someone you trust and feel comfortable with is a way to let some of the difficult  feelings out. Talking to someone who has experienced trauma  is a great way to get support and will give you a safe place to learn that you are not alone like I was. Other people are living with the same difficulties and its normal.
  • Get counselling find yourself a good counsellor check online for reviews. Counsellors are there to give you a safe place to begin or continue  your healing process. You deserve a space where you will be heard, not judged and accepted for who you are  despite what you’ve been through. Counselling is a place  where you can start to work on issues that are keeping you stuck.

Words of hope

Be positive and build your self-esteem

Well today I started to go through my binders about abuse hoping that It would trigger more memories for me and as It turns out I have more than what I bargained for the memories are coming from here there and everywhere can’t seem to keep up but In any event I am going to write what I can today beginning with more positive stuff that we did while I was In Alpha House.
On Tuesdays when we had women’s group we had an exercise to do I guess It was more on building self-esteem about ourselves, at first I had troubles thinking of positive things about myself but over the course of a few days and thinking extremely hard I realized there are some good things about myself some of which I wish to share with you here, the dots represent we had to add something :
I have a good sense of….humor
I have been told  that I have pretty….brown eyes
I like myself because…..I have the ability to make changes In my life
People often compliment me about….my cooking
I am most happy when….I work and help with animals
One of the many positive traits I have Is….determination
I look good when….I dress up and go somewhere nice or go for dinner
I consider myself a good….person with a big heart
I have a natural talent for….cooking and being around animals seems that animals are drawn to me
…God….loves me!
I like the way I feel about myself when I….have animals around me
I know that I will be successful In life because I will….be and continue to be determined
Another exercise that we were asked to do was Things I’m proud of now In our culture someone who brags Is seen as being self-centered and boring however, I do not  see It that way, In the context of healing from abuse, pride Is an appropriate affirmation of accomplishments, some of my accomplishments and things that I am proud of are as follows:
For having the courage to leave abuse and get help.
For keeping my sanity through all the abuse I have had to endure over the course of 25 years yes, I said 25 years.
Becoming Independent again and plan to stay that way for the rest of my life thanks.
Working through my Issues and finally being able to understand abuse, part of my healing Is doing this writing and hopefully to turn Into a book one day and being able to help others.
Putting myself first which I have never done Instead I always look after others first, Instead of myself well not anymore I am NUMBER ONE!!!

%d bloggers like this: