Self Esteem Our core, the person that we are

Hello everyone:
Today, I wanted to touch on the subject of self-esteem because It Is so very Important as I have now come to realize.
Having been In abusive relationships and around people who have been abusive toward me  I finally realized they are no good for me and my self-esteem takes a beating,  no-one needs or deserves to be dealing with that nor should it ever be accepted.
When I had come to Winnipeg Manitoba after having been in numerous womens shelters I realized how important self-esteem was, when living at Alpha House for almost one year which is a second stage housing for battered women that have left abuse.
Living in Alpha House  has helped me realize that there are ways to Increase my self-esteem as well as decrease my self-esteem that I can really Identify with,  here are some of them:
To decrease self-esteem:
Compare ourself often with others, especially those that are more successful. There is nothing that I dislike more than to work for an employer and have competitions to see who is better at their job to me this is a perfect example of how to have someones high self-esteem drop down to having none.
To Increase a persons self-esteem:
We have to realize our own potential and accept the fact that there will always be people who are more successful In certain areas, I really do like this way of thinking we may be good at many things but others may be able to do It better and you know what that’s okay too!.
To decrease self-esteem:
Demand perfection of yourself and then only to reflect on your failures yup this one would definitely be me It has taken me forever It seems In order to not go Into beat myself up mode although at best I still sometimes do,  this one would definitely be a recipe for disaster as far as self-esteem goes so for all those that do this,  from my past experiences this will really kill your self-esteem hence feeling terrible It just doesn’t pay to demand perfection of yourself and reflect on failures.
To Increase self-esteem:
Accept that you and no one else Is perfect accept the fact that you will fail at things sometimes and guess what that’s okay too!
Okay I have to admit I have tried to be perfect and do things right the very first time but no matter what,  sometimes It just doesn’t happen look at all the challenges I have gone through such as many failed relationships, being angry so I have failed in some areas of my life and not afraid to admit It.
To decrease self-esteem:
Always say “If only”  and berate ourself for being stupid for not making the right choices we are our own worst enemies at best I know I am, this Is something that I have done to myself so often, I quit counting after one hundred I very rarely do this anymore however, I have to say It Is a learned behavior.
To Increase self-esteem:
Accept that I did the best I could then and just accept It for what It Is. Something positive and negative comes from the choices that we make, next time I will try harder.
To accept the best that I can do this used to be a real tough one for me as I would constantly say and think that I was stupid because things did not turn out the way I had wanted them to and/or making wrong choices which I have made more than my fair share of.
To decrease self-esteem:
Learn to read the minds of others and more specifically the negative thoughts that people may have about you. No matter how In tune we are with other people we for sure do not know how a person will react to a given situation nor know what they are thinking unless we are born with the ability to do such a thing which I do believe Is possible for some.
To Increase self-esteem:
Don’t assume what other people’s thoughts are, I really dislike the fact that people assume It really bugs me because most, If not all the time others are wrong and when It really comes down to It the only opinion that really has any Importance is of ourself and does not matter what others think of us.
To Decrease self-esteem:
Expect the worst and each time we fail telling ourself how right we were. Can we say self sabotage here I can not tell you how many endless times I have done this very thing I always thought It was a wise choice to expect the worst so that way I would not be disappointed.
To Increase self-esteem:
Expect to succeed and when you do give yourself a pat on the back as you deserve It,  this has been a very hard thing for me to do for many years due to my lack of self-esteem Issues.
To decrease self-esteem:
Talk often about how depressed you are okay seriously this was me and yes I still have my moments having been In a state of depression for years on end I have been on anti depressants as well which In the near future I do plan to stop as I feel that I no longer need them.
To Increase self-esteem:
Talk about the things that please you and make you happy, It seems that when being In a state of depression for me talking about things that pleased me or made me happy was simply out of the question I had lived from day-to-day but now I have plans for my future, I am happy and content, feeling at peace and much of that has to do with the fact memories are starting to come back and have closure on many things which I did not have before and writing about It.
To decrease self-esteem:
Be judgemental and use words like “should” “shouldnt” etc. We are our own worst critic I had been for many years always thinking that I added up to nothing, feeling worthless and useless and being In many not so good relationships did not help me any.
To Increase self-esteem:
If we use words like I will, not because I should but because I want to we should not judge ourself as sometimes things are not always necessarily black and white all the time.
To decrease self-esteem:
Be detached from life Instead of attached because that way you might get hurt If becoming Involved this was so me years and years ago I was just so sick and tired of being hurt and betrayed by others I gave up on associations with anyone and became very Isolated never going out, the hobbies I once had were no more among other things.
To Increase self-esteem:
Participate In life and relate to people as well as do things this was hard for me to do until 2008 when I went Into shelter I was always afraid of being hurt again and betrayed however now that I have become a better person and having the many counsellors helping me get that way no longer do I have all the toxic people who were In my life I have realized that I am worth something and can also give to society and help others and the place In which I live have finally started to associate with others that are good for me and can have a healthy relationship with.

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