Day two in shelter


Last night after I finished writing in my blog  I took my sleeping pills normally I would be in bed asleep at a decent hour however, last night was not the case  in bed at 9AM this morning and up by 12:30PM. I have been much less stressed out  today than I have in the last five months I was finally able to go out and do what I have wanted to do for months hopped on the west LRT and saw what the fuss was all about took it all the way to 69th street station then I went the opposite direction and went all the way to saddlewood just to pass the time and reflecting what has transpired over the last few months living with Colin.

I have come to realize many things, having lived with Colin these past few months has been exceptionally hard on me as well as my children and because of Colin’s very poor health and unhealthy living conditions by no fault of my own I refuse to blame myself for no longer being there to help him god only knows I really have tried to help him but like the saying goes”you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink” unfortunately for him he has pushed me away so far that I no longer want to be a part of his life anymore unless he straightens up his act which at this point is not in the least bit likely not to mention he probably will not see his next bithday to turn fifty. Sadly and after thinking about this decision bottom line is I am going to do what is best for me and my children now (the cats Keenie and Weston).

I recently told Colin that maybe the reason why people do not want to be around and the fact that he has no friends is because of his attitude and the way he treats others well his response was “I don’t give a sh**” he was very angry with me when I mentioned this which leads me to believe he has some major underlying issues that I am unaware of and seems to me he will not let go of the past now don’t get me wrong I am in no way saying “get over it” but, what I am saying is let it go I explained to him in order to do this you need to be able to let go of ill feelings and to be able to forgive people that have done you wrong I showed him ways in order to do this but, as usual suggestions are ignored and although the fact of letting go is no easy task I will admit he also had the support of friends at one time and at this point  I have pretty much given up helping and his friends no longer want to be around him anymore I mean let’s face it you can only bang your head against a wall so many times.

Anyway onto other stuff, now that I have had my mini vent session here, as mentioned previously I did not get up until 12:30PM due to the fact that I did not get to sleep till 9AM I made some calls today regarding rental units hopefully to book an appointment sometime on Saturday let’ s pray I find a place soon, I feel more at peace now knowing that I have made the right decision to leave I have found peace and quiet here at the shelter and relaxed knowing that my kids are having a nice vacation speaking of kids I think you might find this quite amusing most people think I am out of my mind but that’s okay you have heard of childrens strollers right? Well I have one better how about a pet stroller and yes your eyes are not deciveing what you are reading yes I have my very own pet stroller for the kids cost me $250 but well worth it I thought.

The temperature in Calgary today was minus four I have to tell you what a blessing and welcome change from the cold and no aches and pains like yesterday. I spoke with a couple ladies here in shelter we were exchanging stories and let me tell you some of the ones I have heard are almost mind boggling one girl was telling me that her own mother was abusing her and gave her a black eye  and the other lady I met last night in the kitchen she was telling me her husband had raped their two year old daughter repeatedly I will not go into  more detail. I ask myself why is it that the women are left to fend for themselves and their children and men getting off with a slap on the wrist personally it makes me sick.

Anyway everyone I’m getting really tired so I am going to call it a night

Sleep with angels everyone

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A brand new start


Hello everyone:

Well, today I am filled with peace and very calm my blood pressure has not risen at all.

 I am so looking forward to whats in store for me in the next couple of weeks and although the moving will be stressful enough It will be a welcome change to be in a bigger city that has nothing but friendly people not to mention there are a ton of jobs out there in Calgary that I can apply for as well as feel safer on the streets walking.

Colin, my friend has done so much for me been a listening ear, giving me so much emotional support,  saw me through being homeless out on the west coast and now he’s going to welcome me into his home so that I can get healthy as I am not very healthy now due to the issues in housing like black mold that I must,  at the moment deal with.

Colin, my friend I have to tell you that he has done more for me than most people I know and helped me out of so many tight binds. I will be moving in with him for a while until I get myself set up with a good job and have some financial stability behind me.

I’m looking forward to moving out of here although the issue of packing  is really very stressful especially having to go through so many papers and sorting stuff out , however,  the good news is that I’m over half way done thank god I cant wait to get this move over with and out of this province for good.

Good-Bye Winnipeg Manitoba

Down and out


Hi everyone:
 
Well, It has been a few days since I last wrote In my blog and I am feeling very much the same way as I had earlier In the week.
 
I have felt this same way for months since I found out about Richard and Marlene this feeling seems to linger and does not seem to be letting up…I have really been feeling very emotional, depressed, lonely with no sense of belonging or purpose you know, sometimes I just want It all to end.
I’m really thinking that next week I need to look Into going to some support groups because dealing with all of this on my own seems to be just be getting the better of me.
It would appear that I am starting to regress back to the way I was when I first moved here to Manitoba. I was a basket case back then.
I was always friendly to people, smiling, happy and very much at peace and now I feel just blah and have to be quite honest with you I am pretty close to being on the verge of drinking which Is not at all like me and not only that, but I really resent the fact that I seem to be a stepping stone for others to get ahead In life sometimes It just doesn’t seem fair.

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