What my qualities say about me as a person


1) My cats Keenie and Weston they are the love of my life and I worship the ground that they walk on I do not own them they own me.
2) My friends, I have more acquaintances than friends, my friends are always there for me they are much like myself compassionate, caring, thoughtful, loyal just to mention a few always remember that if you have one good friend in the world you have more than what others do.
3) I refuse to give up plain and simple even the toughest challenges in life such as having been homeless, survived abuse such as spiritual, physical, emotional, financial and sexual despite what I have had to endure in my life I have the courage to stand my ground, speak up and continue my life.
4) I have faith, although I have had many dark times in my life where I had lost my faith with the result being depression, I was able to overcome with the help of my faith.
5) I was very lucky I had the greatest parents anyone could ever ask for being brought up to respect your elders, take your shoes off when you enter someone elses home, as well as excusing yourself from the table all these that I mentioned I still do to this very day and more god bless my parents.

Advertisements

Be Inspired!


Every now and then it’s always nice when someone inspires you, it does not matter if it is Inspirational quotes or Inspirational affirmations  here are a few that I would like to share with you hope it helps  you to get through the day.

  • The only way with finding your limits  is by trying to go beyond them. Try doing the impossible today.
  • The first fall of snow is not only an event, it is a magical event, you go to bed  in one kind of world  and wake up to find yourself in another quite different. So, why not imagine that snow every morning before you pull back the curtain on your life?
  • Our biggest fear is what would happen if we dared to feel really alive, to risk being fully awake and inspired. What would happen if we really showed the world what we can do.
  • There is no end, there is no beginning. there is only the boundless promise  and inspiration of each new day.
  • My life is in my hands, I will let that thought inspire me to do something special today.
  • When the student is ready, the teacher appears-you might find your inspiring teacher in the most unusual place.
  • Archimedes said, “give me a balancing point, and I can move the world” well, that balancing point is here, now, today.
  • It is only by risking going too far that I can discover how far I can go.
  • Paint a rainbow in your mind and let that inner inspiration take you far beyond what you thought possible.
  • What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
  • The search for perfection will either make you or be your downfall.
  • Every day ask yourself am I making a simple thing complicated?
  • Open your ears, your mind and your heart. This is how you open your future.
  • Actions stimulates thought, so when you can’t think of any way to do it, start doing it anyway.
  • Your mind is bigger than you think, more powerful than you can imagine.
  • In the game of life will you be a spectator or a player?
  • What lies behind, and what lies ahead are insignificant compared to what lies within.
  • We might not have it all together, but together we have it all!
  • Doing what you love is where happiness lives.
  • The happiest people in the world are those who do what is right..
  • Look beneath the surface  and there is good in everyone. Today I am going to have  fun spotting the good in everyone I meet.
  • The highest reward of effort is not what you get from it, but what you become from it.
  • Happiness is not a goal, it is the by-product working for a goal and getting there.
  • There’s no point in wishing things were different, so I am going to tell myself that what I have is the best I could hope for, and make myself happy by making it happen anyway.
  • Happiness is a matter of getting what you need, so look at what you need; maybe you already have it.
  • Happiness is not absence of problems: happiness is learning to enjoy the problems.
  • Happiness consists of finding your unique talent and then using it to your greatest potential.
  • Looking for happiness and not finding it, is just the world telling you that you have lost touch with your own inner resources.
  • Have you done anything lately that’s worth remembering?
  • The way to unhappiness is to always want more than you will ever get.
  • Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.
  • True happiness comes from within, it doesn’t depend on what happens.
  • The best way to measure wealth is by counting the number of your friends.

When you feel like giving up read this


I have had so many times where I felt like giving up and then like this saying says why have I held on so long? My answer, I’v come this far why give up now and that god will never dish you out anything that you are not able to handle so hang in there.

Image

Anger Management


For many years I was very bitter and angry had no idea on how to deal with it then I moved into Alpha House in Winnipeg which is a second stage shelter and soon to realize that what I had longed for which was to let go of my anger and finally find some peace and tranquility in my life would eventually take place.

When we had women’s group once per week we would talk about various things one of which was anger we were all given a hand out to read which I would like to share with all of you:

Overview of a healthy approach to dealing with anger :

1) Recognize and allow yourself to believe that anger is a natural, normal, healthy non-evil healthy feeling. Everyone feels it we just don’t all express it. You do not need to fear your anger.

2) Remember that you are responsible  for your own feelings. You got angry at what happened, the other person did not make your cry.

3) Remember that anger and aggression are not the same thing. Anger is expressed assertively.

4) Get to know yourself, so you recognize those events and behaviors, which trigger your anger . “Find your own buttons, so you know when they are pushed”

5) Learn to relax, if you have developed the skill of relaxing yourself, learn to apply this response  when your anger is triggered.

6) Develop assertive methods for expressing your anger.

7) Keep your life clear. Deal with issues as they arise, when you feel the feelings not hours, days or weeks afterwards.

Check yourself with these statements:

1)  I no longer feel like unloading my feelings of anger and hurt.

2) I have stopped hoping that my ex partner is feeling as much emotional pain as I am.

3) I no longer feel so angry at my ex partner.

4) It is no longer important that my family and friends be on my side and not on my ex partners side.

5) I have outgrown the need to get even at my ex partner  for hurting me.

6) I  no longer blame my ex partner  for the failure of the relationship.

7) I have stopped trying to hurt my ex partner  by letting he/she know how much I hurt emotionally.

8) I have overcome my anger and have begun to accept the things my ex partner has done.

9) I am expressing my anger in a positive way that is not destructive to me  or to those around me.

10) I am able to admit it when I feel angry and not denying my angry feelings.

11) I understand the emotional blocks that have kept me from expressing my anger  in a positive way.

12) I am able to express my anger constructively instead of venting it inappropriately.

13) I am reaching a stage of forgiveness and not remaining angry.

 

Treating people and animals with respect and compassion


  • We can cure physical illness with medicine but the only cure for loneliness, despair and hopelessness is love.
  • There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more who are dying for a little love.
  • Let us not be satisfied with just giving money, money is just a piece of paper that anyone can get.
  •  Others they need our hearts to love them so spread love where-ever you go.
  • There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more who are dying for a little love.
  • Please remember to not forget our homeless animals who have no-one to love them please adopt from your local animal shelters and please make a donation to our animal shelters during the Christmas season.

On behalf of all the animals and people out there a great big hug and big thank you.

Mistaken traditional assumptions and your legitimate rights as a person


Incorrect traditional assumption   

It is selfish to put your needs before others needs. I believed this for the longest time and after leaving Alpha House with one whole year of counselling I happy  to report that I now for the most part put myself first because if I don’t what good  will I be to myself and others.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to put yourself first, sometimes.

Incorrect traditional assumption

It is shameful to make mistakes you should have an appropriate response for every occasion. I believed this for the longest time, always doing my best to be perfect only to realize there is no such thing as a perfect human being.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to make mistakes.

Incorrect traditional assumption

If you can’t convince others that your feelings are reasonable, then your feelings are wrong. For many years I had a-lot of self-doubt but have now been able to overcome that although it has taken a long time.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to be the last judge of your feelings and accept them as legitimate.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should respect the views of others, especially if they are in a position of authority. Keep your differences of opinion to yourself listen and learn. I thought this for many years because I thought the older the wiser and it is only in the last ten years that I have realized that, in fact I can have my own differences of opinion and it can still be valid.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to your own opinions and convictions.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should always try to be logical and consistent. Well, if your like me when you get upset and/or angry like I am with my room-mate most days all sense of logic goes right out the window.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to change your mind or decide on a different course of action.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should be flexible and adjust. others have good reasons for their actions and it’s not polite to question them.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to protest any treatment or criticism that feels bad to you.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should never interrupt people. Asking questions reveals your stupidity to others.  I used to do this all the time keeping quiet and never asking questions hoping that I got things right the first time and not looking stupid in the end.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to interrupt to ask for clarification.

Incorrect traditional assumption

Things could get even worse, don’t rock the boat. To this very day I still hear this on occasion and it really annoys me.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to negotiate for change.

Incorrect traditional assumptions

You shouldn’t take up others valuable time with your problems. This one was huge for me I used to keep things bottled up inside all the time even when it came to my friends unfortunately I have found out that not sharing and talking to others about things that bother me just does not pay and in the end later in life all you have is health issues.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to ask for help or emotional support

Incorrect traditional assumption

People don’t want to hear that you feel bad so keep it to yourself. I did this all the time and on occasion I still do.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to feel and express pain.

Incorrect traditional assumption

When someone takes the time to give you advice you should take it very seriously they are often right. For me, if I am not sure if I am making the right decision about something and questioning myself I always go to others and ask for the their opinion and although I take it into consideration it does not always mean that person is right but appreciate their input nonetheless.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to ignore the advice of others.

Incorrect traditional assumption

Knowing that you did something wellis it’s own reward. People don’t like show-off’s. Successful people are secretly disliked and envied. Be modest when complimented.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to recieve recognition for your work and achievements.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should always try to accomodate others. If you don’t, they won’t be there when you need them. Well, for me I used to be a people pleaser always accomodating others and not looking after who is most important that being me, a true friend is there no matter what, I have also realized that you can not always accomodate what other people want.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to say no. Sometimes that is still hard for me to do.

Incorrect traditional assumption

Don’t be anti-social. People are going to think you don’t like them if you say you’d rather be alone instead of with them. Nothing irritates me more than this I do not like being around many people and have been told that I am anti-social when the fact is I like to spend time alone with my cats my babies and don’t think that I should have to justify my own actions.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to be alone even if others would prefer your company.

Incorrect traditional assumption

You should always have a good reason for what you feel and do.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to not have to justify yourself to others.

Incorrect traditional assumption

When someone is in trouble , you should always help them. I will tell you that used to be a real struggle for me and sometimes it still is on top of my own problems. I have been told still that I take on way too much responsibility for other peoples problems which I have come to realize if I keep doing it, it will affect me in the long run with my health and other things.

Your legitimate right

You have a right not to take responsibility for someone elses problem.

Incorreect traditional assumption

You should be sensitive to the needs and wishes of others, even when they are unable  to tell you what they want. I have always been a very sensitive person to others it’s just who I am and have a gift given to me that allows me to sometimes read other people and know what they are thinking without them saying anything but I have to be in that frame of mind.

Your legitimate right

You have a right not to have to anticipate others needs and wishes

Incorrect traditonal assumption

It’s not nice to put people off. If questioned, give an answer.

Your legitimate right

You have a right to choose not to respond to a situation

Twelve guidelines to live by


Here are Twelve guidelines that you can live by:

(1) If you open it close it.

(2) If you turn it on turn it off.

(3) If you unlock it lock it .

(4) If you move it put it back.

(5) If it belongs to someone else and you want it get permission.

(6) If you borrow it return it.

(7) If you don’t know how to run it leave it alone.

(8) If you use it take care of it.

(9) If you break it repair it.

(10) If you can’t fix it call someone who can.

(11) If you mess it up clean it up.

(12) If it will brighten someone’s day say it.

The Self-Esteem Checklist


Hi Everyone:

I came across something very interesting today, when I was in the one of many women’s shelters the last one having been Alpha House in Winnipeg, Manitoba every Monday we would have what they called women’s group.

During our three hours every Monday we were to do an assignment for the following week here is one of them about self-esteem, after doing this assignment I took a hard look at myself and have to tell you was my self-esteem ever low.

(A) Rate how much you believe each statement  from 0-10

0 means you completely disbelieve it  and 10 means you think it is completely true

(1) I am a worthwhile person

(2) I am as valuable as a person as anyone else.

(3) I have the qualities I need to live well.

(4)When I look into my eyes in the mirror I have a pleasant feeling.

(5) I don’t feel like a failure overall.

(6) I can laugh at myself.

(7) I am happy to be me.

(8) I like myself, even when others reject me.

(9) I love and support myself, regardless of what happens.

(10) I am generally satisfied with the way I am developing as a person.

(11) I respect myself.

(12) I’d rather be me than someone else.

  • Then go ahead and total them

(B) Rate your self-esteem on a percentage scale between zero to one hundred percent where 0 is total lack of self-esteem and 100 means total fullness of self-esteem

  • Your response

(C) How often do you feel restricted  in your daily activities because of difficulties with self-esteem

1 always

2 often

3 sometimes

4 rarely

5 never

  • Your response

(D) How serious is your problem with self-esteem

1 no problem

2 mild

3 moderate

4 severe

5 extremely severely

6 incapacitating

  • Your response

I hope for all of you who did take the self-esteem checklist found it interesting as I did and gave you some insight as to where your self-esteem lies.

Assertiveness: Myth’s versus Reality?


Assertiveness myths and reality
Society as a whole seems to think that a woman being assertive means they are being a “bitch” the myths that I am adding are among some that I believed for many years and considering myself to be a people pleaser I believed all of these from the time I entered my first relationship up until the time I left Alpha House:
Myth Assertive women are pushy women…..this Is why over time I was not assertive anymore thought I was being pushy.
The reality Is  Assertive women have defined their needs and boundaries and can communicate them, showing respect to others.
Myth If you say no to a request you are being selfish……this Is why I have found It hard to say no throughout the course of my relationships and being a people pleaser.
The reality is Saying no to a request Is simply setting a boundary, saying no can be done with thoughtfulness and consideration.
Myth To be polite you have to be non assertive….I thought this for so many years
The truth Is  Politeness is courteousness. Being non assertive so I found out would be the Inability to communicate ones own needs and boundaries.
Myth  Being assertive also means conflict and I really hate conflict…I believed this from the time I left home through my relationships and up until I left Alpha House.
The reality is  Aggressiveness stirs up conflict.. It only stirs up conflict If we are dealing with a person who Is unwilling to accept or respect our boundaries.
Myth  If we learn to use assertiveness, you might become a “bitch”… yes I did believe this one for a good many years society seems to think that way In my opinion.
The reality is If we use assertive skills they show respect for ourselves and for others and you will never be a “bitch”, However, we may be called a bitch by anyone who would be unwilling to acknowledge our legitimate needs and our boundaries… It would appear that this would be their way of avoiding their own shortcomings.

My rights as a person and mistaken traditional assumptions


Hello everyone:
 
I have decided that today I will talk about having rights as a person versus mistaken traditional assumptions, all to often we assume things and being a part of society have heard many mistaken traditional assumptions only to find out that It Is not necessarily true here are a few of them:

 

  • Mistaken traditional assumption It is selfish to put our needs first before others needs.
  • My rights I have the right to put myself first..this Is something that I have just started doing over the last few months as I am so used to not even thinking about myself.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption It’s shameful to make mistakes we need to have an appropiate response for every occasion.
  • My rights Well considering we do not live In a perfect world we all have the right to make mistakes as no one is perfect.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption If we can not convince others that our feelings are reasonable then our feelings must be wrong.
  • My rights I have the right to be the judge of my feelings and feel that they are legitimate,  all through my life and my relationships my feelings have been minimized It seemed that unless I felt the same way as others did I was led to believe that I am over exagerating and that It was never a big deal and told to just “get over It”.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption We should respect views of others especially so If they are In a position of authority we should keep opinions to ourselves
  • My rights Oh boy this one is huge for me, due to past experiences the way It was even without people that were In a position of authority I would not disagree with others of course within reason simply because I did not want people to make my life harder than It already was and It was also an acceptance thing so I have realized now that I do have a right to have my own opinions and convictions no matter what anyone says although It does not mean that others have to agree.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption We should always be logical and consistent.
  • My rights Although I am logical most of the time when I get very upset and angry my sense of logic goes right out the window and try to be consistent most of the time as well.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption We should be flexible and adjust. Others  have good reasons for their actions and not polite to question them.
  • My rights I do have the right to protest what I do not like, treatment, critisism and the like anything that does not feel good to me regardless of what others think.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption We should not ask questions as It reveals stupidity to others.
  • My rights I do have the right as well as anyone else to ask for clarification If I do not understand something this does not mean that I am stupid which I thought for so many years and now I really dont care what others think of me to my way of understanding now If a person asks questions It means that the person has an Interest In the subject.
  • Mistaken tradional assumption Things could get even worse so dont rock the boat.
  • My rights For many years I believed this thats why I became a people pleaser but have now come to realize over time that I do have the right to negotiate for change even If I do rock the boat I have since realized that although people might not like what I have to say I do have the right to freedom of speech It Is part of our charter of rights and freedoms.
  • Mistaken traditonal assumption We should not take up others valuable time with our problems.
  • My rights We all have the right to ask for help or emotional support all throughout my life I have been told not to bother them with my Issues and problems and really getting sick and tired of people telling me to just “get over It” In my opinion If someone comes to you and pours their heart out to you they want/need to have a listening ear In my case all I ever really wanted was someone to listen to me and give me some kind of emotional support or even a hug could have made all the difference to me and after reading my life story you will know why.
  • Mistaken traditonal assumption Other people do not want to hear that you feel bad, so keep It to yourself.
  • My rights I do have the right to feel and express all of my pain, most of the reason why I write In my blog is so that I can express all of that because other people In my past that I have tried to reach out to have not wanted to hear how I have felt and am not a stranger to the fact that others have minimized the ways that I have felt.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption Knowing that you did something well is Its own reward people dont like showoffs. Successful people are secretly disliked and envied. Be modest when complimented.
  • My rights I do have the right to recieve recogntion for all my hard work and achievements thats one thing I like to have is recognition for a job well done I welcome that anytime recogntion for me Is very Important more than likely because I have been so used to put downs since I left home from people In my relationships, and Inlaws.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption We should always try to accomodate others. If we dont they wont be there when we need them.
  • My rights I have the right to say “no” I struggled with this up until I left Alpha House being the people pleaser that I once was, all I ever did was accomodate others and get treated like shit and betrayed In return well Im pleased to say not no more.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption Dont be anti-social with people as they will think that you dont like them If you say that you would rather be alone Instead of with them.
  • My rights I have the right to be alone even If others would prefer my company, for the longest time I had thought the mistaken traditional assumption and actually cared what others thought of me and was sociable even though I did not want to be and now If I want my space I say so and dont care what others think because my real friends will understand and accept It.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption You should always have a good reason for what you feel and do.
  • My rights We all have a right to not to have to justify ourselves to other people, I have struggled with this for many many years, I finally after later In life to find out that I justified myself to others as a  way of people trying to accept me needless to say It didnt work and bit me In the ass years later so now I no longer justify myself or my actions to others eithier they like me or they dont.
  • Mistaken traditonal assumption When someone is In trouble we should always help them.
  • My rights I have the right not to take on someone elses responsibilty for somone elses problem well this one was tough for me because what I do Is just automatically help others no matter what however since I have slowed down In life I have my own problems to worry about and about the best that I can do for others now is to give some good wise advice from my own lifes experiences shoud I have any for them and It will be their choice If they take It or not.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption Its not nice to put people off , If questioned, give an answer.
  • My rights We all have the right to choose not to respond to a given situation….many years ago I used to worry constantly about doing such a thing always thought that I had to answer If questioned about something should not put people off and now I have realized no matter what a person does, thinks or speaks It is the other persons choice on how they respond.

Previous Older Entries

%d bloggers like this: