The danger of neglect


When I was working at my previous job in the call centre we were all given this article to read I had found it interesting, when I had finished reading it I thought to myself this is true and thought I would share this with all of my fellow bloggers.

The things that are easy to do are also easy not to do.The primary reason many people are not doing as well as they could and should summed up in a single word. Neglect.

It is not the lack of money, banks are full of money, It is not the lack of opportunity, as we continue to offer the most unprecedented and abundant opportunities of any nation in the last six thousand years of recorded history. It is not the lack of books, libraries are full of books and they are free, It is not the schools, the classrooms are full of teachers we also have plenty of ministers, leaders, counsellors and advisors.

Everything we would ever need to become rich, powerful and sophisticated is within our reach. The major reason that so few take advantage of all that we have is, simply, neglect. The things that are easy to do are also easy not to do. That is how subtle failure is.
Failure is largely neglect. We fail to do small things that we should do, and this seemingly insignificant license carries over to those things that are important to do. Small neglects have a way of becoming major oversights with the passage of enough times.

Neglect is like an infection Left unchecked it will spread throughout our entire system of disciplines and eventually lead to a complete breakdown of a potentially joy filled and prosperous human life.

Not doing the things we know we should do causes us to feel guilty and guilt leads to erosion of self-confidence. As our self-confidence diminishes, so does the level of our activity. And as our activity diminishes, our results inevitably decline, And as our results suffer, our attitude begins the slow shift from positive to negative, our self-confidence diminishes even more. Failure to do the things that we could and should do results in a negative spiral which once started, is difficult to stop.

Self-esteem and how it affects you


I came across this article all about self-esteem the other day from Alpha House and would now like to share it with you

Definition of self-esteem is:

Many things make up  self-esteem. Here are some of the key components and what I used to do and sometimes I still do.

  • The ideas you have about yourself when I left my partner I thought of myself as a looser and failure.
  • How you feel about yourself I have to tell you I was not in a good place.
  • What you say about yourself  constant self sabotage that is what I was doing.
  • How you act towards yourself and how you act toward others I did not want to talk to anyone and kept myself isolated most of the time I also got sick because I hardly ever ate and had a sleep problem which I still do.
  • The trust you have in yourself I did not have any I was always second guessing myself and what I was doing.
  • The acceptance you have in yourself I wanted to change to a better person however I had no guidance from anyone to help get me there.
  • The acceptance for who you are I constantly go through struggles, feeling alone most of the time still in a state of depression and have now accepted things for the way that they are getting through life the best way I know how and reading lots of self-help books..
  • The awareness of your abilities, competencies and limitations I have many abilities competent at many things and have some limitations.

How is self-esteem developed?

Self-esteem is not developed  solely by a single reason, in fact, many factors help to shape our self-esteem.

  • The environment where we were raised  in I had a wonderful childhood with my parents I never knew what abuse was or that it was even existent.
  • Your parents limitations and expectations of you from any other significant adult raising you I did not have to deal with that.
  • Other people’s beliefs in your abilities being significant adults, teachers, coach,counsellor, mentor, godparents, grandparent or guardian there were so many people who believed in me and my abilities I always felt so good about myself and I was always so happy I looked so forward to going to school and then coming home and spending the evening with my parent’s life for me back then was great.
  • Learned messages from others which were from childhood and carried into adulthood to help form your self concept.Well, this one is hard for me one thing I remember is that my mother’s sister Kathleen when I was eight years old  I was over at her house cleaning her bathroom and remember hearing from her the words “when your mother and father are gone I want nothing more to do with you” I am now fifty and remember this clearly from forty-two years ago, I kept this to myself and never told my parents because I know how much it would hurt them and I also did not want to cause any friction in the family.
  • Accumulation of your life’s emotional experiences both good and bad I’m not sure where to start with this one as mentioned in statement three and four these are some of the things I dealt with growing up and now that I am an adult there are other factors as well I have been in many bad relationships before and with the help of Alpha House I have been able to stop the cycle of abuse and violence I have also unfortunately been put in a situation on more than one occasion where I have been homeless eating in a soup kitchen and although I am happy that there are places such as these it really does not do much for your self-esteem  I think that was one of the lowest points in my life there are many other factors but to heavy to get into now perhaps an other day.
  • Relationships with friends, partners, children directly affects  how you see yourself and what you think about yourself  I am so afraid of anyone getting too close to me as I do not want anyone seeing my faults.
  • How others treat you and what they say about you  Quite honestly I`m afraid to know what other people say about me.

All these external forces help to shape and formulate our self-esteem and self-image. Self-image is pictures or images you have about yourself in your mind.

Self-talk is what one says about yourself. Self-talk is a link between self-awareness and self-esteem. It can either reinforce an already existing image or used to change opinions and attitudes you have about yourself. Positive self talk is a powerful tool for change and improvement which I find sometimes very hard to do.

Negative self-talk and negative thoughts are very destructive and disempowering which I have found myself doing lots of in the past. It is critical to consciously pay attention to these and to arrest them in mid thought or mid sentence.

Things to remember

  • It’s important to remember we have a choice.
  • We can choose being negative or choose being positive sometimes I need to remind myself of this.
  • We can choose to change the way we see ourselves or stay the way we are.

We can begin by changing to positive self-talk.

People with good self-esteem can:

  • Make their own decisions.
  • Ask others for help.
  • Have faith in their own competency.
  • Appreciate their own worth.
  • Respect others.
  • Show trust and hope.
  • Accept feelings without guilt.
  • Accept responsibility for their behavior.

Characteristics of low self-esteem


Today I would like to talk about the characteristics of low self-esteem and how to recognize it, I, for one became depressed for many years ending up being diagnosed with clinical depression not to mention my self-esteem really got battered in the process here are some of the ways that I learned from Alpha House in order to recognize low self-esteem.

1) Social withdrawal To this very day I still don’t want many people around and like it peaceful and quiet.

2) Anxiety and emotional turmoil I’ve had plenty of this in my life and still suffer from anxiety to this very day and emotional turmoil is not as bad as before.

3) Lack of social skills and self-confidence Depression and bouts of sadness, I still don’t like large groups of people my self-confidence is still low and still get bouts of depression and sadness.

4) Less social conformity I have never been one that conforms to what other people and society dictate.

5) Eating disorders I still have a problem with eating issues.

6) Inability to accept compliments I still have problems sometimes accepting compliments from people.

7) Inability to see yourself squarely or be fair to yourself.

8) Accentuating the negative  Sometimes I still find myself doing this but not as bad as I used to.

9) Exaggerated concern over what you imagine other people think.

10) Self-neglect I still find myself doing this most of the time looking after others first and looking after myself last.

11) Treating yourself badly but not other people .

12) Worrying whether you have treated others badly To this very day sometimes I still find myself doing this I second guess myself  if my friends have had a bad/ off day and thinking I have done something wrong.

13) Reluctance to take on challenges.

14) Reluctance to put yourself first Again as mentioned before I always think of myself last and put everyone else’s needs first.

15) Reluctance to trust your own opinion I was always second guessing myself but no more.

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