A continuation of last nights weblog


It is Monday and so emotionally drained very tired and stressed out because of what happened yesterday at my old apartment having the locks changed so I was not able to move my belongings out how convenient was that. As a result of this issue yesterday I will now have to get the police involved if this goes on for much longer this is something that I was hoping would not happen instead I was hoping to resolve this without any further issues but, yet again it seems that this is all about power and control and have to tell you I am sick and tired of this as well as these stupid mind games that people play. I will now have to take more time off to deal with all this nonsense of moving.
On the brighter side I will be getting my children back very soon and hopefully into a regular routine where I will be able to get to bed at a decent hour and get back to doing some reading before my bedtime getting a good nights rest and having a small breakfast in the morning before heading off to work.
I have plans in the very near future to get out and go to comedy clubs, out for dinners with a friend I have met here in shelter she is a woman from India her and I get along quite well and we are sharing the same room in shelter perhaps in the future we might travel together to Banff go sightseeing and stay a few days so I am truly looking forward to doing many things, meeting new people and making new friends all part of a new chapter in my life.

Frustration hits record high for me today


Why is it that women in shelter leave from abuse and people on the outside thinking that we either ask for the abuse and expected to say I’m sorry and when we leave get treated like we are third class citizens.  I am very frustrated today and really dislike some people I can assure you that this will be the last time that I live with anyone ever again. This whole issue has consumed me for I do not know how long and I will be lucky if I don’t lose my job over this whole fiasco.

My blood pressure is up and unable to get an escort without waiting for 6, 8 possibly even 12 hours just to get my clothes I feel sick, emotionally drained and feel like there is no end to this nightmare I am currently living thank god I have my portable DVD player and my $300 camera with me and the kids are in a safe and healthy environment (my cats) Keenie and Weston at this point that’s all I really care about.

I am going to have to go back to the apartment at some point to pick up my things more specifically my clothes and furniture for storage just the thought of going back literally makes me feel quite nauseated and my stomach has been upset all day long.

I am too tired to write anymore today perhaps again tomorrow

Just the basics in life


When I was well enough I had entered in to the Victor Mager job re-entry program as mentioned before, we were given another assignment to do this was self-actualization needs which I would like to share with you here there were questions that I am going to highlight here that we had to answer and the ones not highlighted are my answers past and present.

My physical needs

Do you have enough to drink and eat

Back in 2008 when I was homeless I was beside myself not knowing where my next meal was coming from, luckily enough I was able to find many good resources. I had eaten in the same soup kitchen everyday having dinner for close to a month we had dinner at four pm and the people who I dined with at the table surprised me. Most of them either had a stroke of bad luck, gambled their money away even their house without their spouse or family knowing! and even people who had master degrees some of these people were actually quite smart and how they ended up homeless only god knows.Some other people had a mental Illness which is understandable and turning to drugs and alcohol as this is their only way of coping and because I have been homeless I understand why some, if not most have turned to that very thing. I am proud to say that it is something I have never done and don’t have any plans on doing so either.

Have you got adequate shelter? Are you comfortable enough in that environment?

Again in 2008 when I was homeless I saw many things that were a shock to my system literally I saw another side of life called homelessness. When I saw this for the first time I literally sat there and cried I wanted to end it all right then and there I was almost  ready to put myself in the psychiatric ward. I was able to have some help with a cheap motel room but still had no fixed address it was adequate and better than nothing I was grateful but was always concerned about what I was going to do the following month.

Do you have enough clothing

When I got to the west coast being Victoria BC where I became homeless all I came with was the clothes on my back with two totes in tow along with my sanity, at that point I wondered if I would ever get myself back on my feet again.

How many hours do you sleep at night on average?

Well, now I can honestly say that I am getting lots of rest and sleep however, because I am now sleeping almost ten hours per day I have to wonder if the sleep that I was lacking when I was homeless has finally caught up to me with sleeping so much. I was in my early forties when I became homeless my body has gone through many changes since that time and now I am not so sure if I were homeless again I could deal with it anymore, honestly at this point if that were to ever happen to me again I would more than likely put myself in the psychiatric ward and give myself a mental break from all the stress.

Do you engage in physical activity and what type?

When I was much younger I was always physically active roller skating, biking, swimming my friends could never find me reflecting back now those were some of the best years of my life. After I got married I no longer did any of the things that I had wanted to do always thinking the perfect housewife, anything I wanted to do was always put on the back burner. It has been almost thirty years, been divorced for twenty-seven of them, as much as I try to get into physical activity these days I just lack the motivation.

My safety and security needs

Do you have any concerns about your safety at home or at work within your environment and community?

I feel pretty safe where I am now in shelter  my two kids being the cats Keenie and Weston they give me unconditional love and bring much joy to my life, Colin, unfortunately at this point sadly I have to say from my point of view there is no hope for him as far as I am concerned he is on a suicide mission smoking himself to death and doing nothing about his current weight not to mention living in a very unhealthy environment which for me thank god I am now out of  and no longer have the burden of cleaning up the apartment, My Avon business has suffered now because of it and unfortunately have now lost most, if not all my clients.

As for safety issue at work the environment I work in is fine however, when I get off after eight pm a woman walking alone two blocks to the nearest bus stop in an industrial area no-one around and no- one other than truckers driving down the road I think this speaks for itself not to safe if you ask me.

Do you live in fear from harm and crime?

I feel pretty safe in shelter in this quiet residential neighborhood, the only time when I am in fear from harm and crime is when I must leave work by myself  and walk two blocks to the nearest bus stop.

My love and belonging needs

Do you feel adequately loved and wanted?

When I was living at home with my parents I felt very loved and very wanted I could not have asked for better parents my mother was especially protective of me I never really knew why until my mother and I started to get together on Sundays after my father passed away that was our day together and them my mom told me the story about my brother who would have been fifty-two my mother had a miscarriage long story but I will tell you about that at a later date my father Don loved me just as much.

Do I have enough people in my circle that I love?

Well, yes actually and although I have no family left to speak of, dont care for intimate relationships with the opposite sex anymore I’m only looking for companionship where I am able to share most things with  just a friendship and nothing more than that, Claudette my friend in Manitoba she will be 74 next year and Alan will be 64 in October next year also living in Manitoba and Rose  as well I call her my big sis I miss her so much and  I have learned many things from Rose, Claudette and Alan guidance which I can never thank them enough for.

Self-esteem and how it affects you


I came across this article all about self-esteem the other day from Alpha House and would now like to share it with you

Definition of self-esteem is:

Many things make up  self-esteem. Here are some of the key components and what I used to do and sometimes I still do.

  • The ideas you have about yourself when I left my partner I thought of myself as a looser and failure.
  • How you feel about yourself I have to tell you I was not in a good place.
  • What you say about yourself  constant self sabotage that is what I was doing.
  • How you act towards yourself and how you act toward others I did not want to talk to anyone and kept myself isolated most of the time I also got sick because I hardly ever ate and had a sleep problem which I still do.
  • The trust you have in yourself I did not have any I was always second guessing myself and what I was doing.
  • The acceptance you have in yourself I wanted to change to a better person however I had no guidance from anyone to help get me there.
  • The acceptance for who you are I constantly go through struggles, feeling alone most of the time still in a state of depression and have now accepted things for the way that they are getting through life the best way I know how and reading lots of self-help books..
  • The awareness of your abilities, competencies and limitations I have many abilities competent at many things and have some limitations.

How is self-esteem developed?

Self-esteem is not developed  solely by a single reason, in fact, many factors help to shape our self-esteem.

  • The environment where we were raised  in I had a wonderful childhood with my parents I never knew what abuse was or that it was even existent.
  • Your parents limitations and expectations of you from any other significant adult raising you I did not have to deal with that.
  • Other people’s beliefs in your abilities being significant adults, teachers, coach,counsellor, mentor, godparents, grandparent or guardian there were so many people who believed in me and my abilities I always felt so good about myself and I was always so happy I looked so forward to going to school and then coming home and spending the evening with my parent’s life for me back then was great.
  • Learned messages from others which were from childhood and carried into adulthood to help form your self concept.Well, this one is hard for me one thing I remember is that my mother’s sister Kathleen when I was eight years old  I was over at her house cleaning her bathroom and remember hearing from her the words “when your mother and father are gone I want nothing more to do with you” I am now fifty and remember this clearly from forty-two years ago, I kept this to myself and never told my parents because I know how much it would hurt them and I also did not want to cause any friction in the family.
  • Accumulation of your life’s emotional experiences both good and bad I’m not sure where to start with this one as mentioned in statement three and four these are some of the things I dealt with growing up and now that I am an adult there are other factors as well I have been in many bad relationships before and with the help of Alpha House I have been able to stop the cycle of abuse and violence I have also unfortunately been put in a situation on more than one occasion where I have been homeless eating in a soup kitchen and although I am happy that there are places such as these it really does not do much for your self-esteem  I think that was one of the lowest points in my life there are many other factors but to heavy to get into now perhaps an other day.
  • Relationships with friends, partners, children directly affects  how you see yourself and what you think about yourself  I am so afraid of anyone getting too close to me as I do not want anyone seeing my faults.
  • How others treat you and what they say about you  Quite honestly I`m afraid to know what other people say about me.

All these external forces help to shape and formulate our self-esteem and self-image. Self-image is pictures or images you have about yourself in your mind.

Self-talk is what one says about yourself. Self-talk is a link between self-awareness and self-esteem. It can either reinforce an already existing image or used to change opinions and attitudes you have about yourself. Positive self talk is a powerful tool for change and improvement which I find sometimes very hard to do.

Negative self-talk and negative thoughts are very destructive and disempowering which I have found myself doing lots of in the past. It is critical to consciously pay attention to these and to arrest them in mid thought or mid sentence.

Things to remember

  • It’s important to remember we have a choice.
  • We can choose being negative or choose being positive sometimes I need to remind myself of this.
  • We can choose to change the way we see ourselves or stay the way we are.

We can begin by changing to positive self-talk.

People with good self-esteem can:

  • Make their own decisions.
  • Ask others for help.
  • Have faith in their own competency.
  • Appreciate their own worth.
  • Respect others.
  • Show trust and hope.
  • Accept feelings without guilt.
  • Accept responsibility for their behavior.

Building new relationships


When I was living in Alpha House (this is a second stage shelter for abused women) in Winnipeg we were given handouts one of which I am sharing with you in this post this of course applies to men as well.

New relationships may trigger memories of your old relationships. it takes hard work, a great deal of committment and communication when you are in a relationship. A second relationship has different problems than the first one. Be sure you feel strong enough to live independently before you make the choice of becoming involved in an intimate relationship again. This way when you have a choice, you may not be as likely to make the same mistakes or fall into the same unhealthy patterns of the past. You will be better equipped to stand up for your rights. It is important to remember that life has its ups and downs. You will have good days when you feel strong and capable and bad days when you feel depressed and vulnerable. Know that the bad times will not last forever and that there are things that you can do to help yourself get through the bad feelings. Many women find that the first anniversary of their leaving is particularly painful. It is important be aware and plan in ahead. You may want to arrange and spend time with close friends or seek support in your local community to get through this time. If you would like more information and resources for the Winnipeg, Manitoba  or Victoria BC areas contact me and I will do a post about resources.

Ways you can help yourself

Let yourself feel your emotions fully. Do not judge yourself for having them. In time you will move through these feelings.

Take time out for you, Engage in self-nurturing activities such as going for a walk, have a bath, curl up in bed and read a good book or just chill and listen to music everyone has a right to pamper themselves.

Eat healthy and set aside times for meals.

Get plenty of rest, even if you are unable to sleep take time and do nothing.

Excercise to release built up tension go for a walk or swim.

Establish a daily routine that includes setting and accomplishing small goals each day.

Begin keeping a daily journal believe me it really helps.

Explore new hobbies and try out activities that interest you.

Develop new friendships and join a support group.

Learn to laugh ( although I find that very difficult most days) when I do laugh truly, I feel so much better afterwards.

My life in shelters


Please note this entry was originally done on April 3/2009
I’m kind of feeling a bit depressed today just about stuff, honestly I’m not sure I want to go into counselling and social work anymore so undecided about so many things.
I wonder sometimes why I even bother doing a journal I’m thinking no one ever reads it anyway. Have come to realize that I have turned my feelings off as of late so,  what I’m thinking is perhaps it’s because I do not want to show the vulnerable side of me,  having been hurt so much like there are some people who I miss a lot and care about and just afraid to tell them so.
People that have no family and the lack of friendships l now have a better understanding of where they are coming from been there and done that already ended up being homeless because of a previous partner I left lived in women’s abuse shelters for the good part of at least three months going from one place to another I did not feel like I could handle life anymore.
Before I had left my partner I made a phone call to a shelter in New Westminster BC and when they called me to say there was an opening I took the greyhound and went to shelter in New Westminster BC It was a long trip I stayed at that shelter for 3 weeks then I wanted to make my permanent home in Victoria BC so I called that shelter and eventually arrived there I was so happy to see the ocean right outside the front door,  the ocean was right across the street.
Such friendly people and very slow-paced and relaxing place.  I stayed at that shelter for 1 month hoping that during the course of my stay I could find a permanent home, as it turned out I had no problem finding a job but there was an even bigger problem trying to find housing in Victoria I was able to find a job in a grocery store called Thriftys  it was just up the street sadly, however, my one month was up and was unable to find any housing available in Victoria so could not start that job if I had nowhere to live, so,  I spoke with one of the counsellors at shelter and I decided that it might be better to go up the island and find housing up there.
In the end  I was  in Courtney, Comox with 3 totes in tow they were very heavy and almost put my back out bringing them into shelter the counsellor did not even offer to help me and she was just plain nasty to me for example when I got there I did not have a welcome greeting and instead I felt like a complete outcast and more of an inconvenience  than anything else I was feeling like I did not belong there she never asked how my bus ride in was, how I am, or nothing, not so much as hi, how are you?  the intake worker there was not nice to me at all and did a poor job of doing my intake like she did not care and not that my emotional well-being mattered to her that was pretty obvious to me the intake worker said to me  “well, there’s no housing up here why did you even come?”  like how in god’s name was I supposed to know that I’m thinking, I was then told to take my three very heavy totes upstairs with no help or an offer to make me more comfortable two flights of stairs having just finished telling her I had a bad back and could use the help, I remember having goe to the room I was staying in I’m thinking oh god what a mistake I made coming here and trying to make a new life the intake worker being the cold-hearted person that I felt she was and how she was treating me I thought to myself I should just take the bus right back to Victoria. I cried myself to sleep and woke up in the early part of the afternoon the next day and remember going downstairs and none of the workers said a word to me did I ever feel out-of-place.
During my stay there from the moment I arrived I was starting to look for a place of my own so I could get out of this terrible shelter that I had found myself in but to no avail it seemed everywhere I looked the apartments were always just taken or there was already a deposit put on the place I remember having felt so very frustrated and tried talking to some of the workers and always feeling like an inconvenience so I thought just leave them alone and stay to myself  obviously if I’m getting ignored it’s not worth the aggravation and never bothered with them anymore,  I only spoke to them when I had to get my medication and sometimes that was even a hassle.  I remember one time when there was a shift change and needed to take my medication at a certain time that, however, did not seem to matter their response was “doing shift change come back later” with an attitude.
During my stay at shelter here I had wanted to move back to Alberta because there was just no housing here on the island so decided on Banff, Alberta sent out my resumes and finally got a phone call from a nice hotel that was going to offer me accommodation It was the Banff Springs Hotel as well as a job so decided that maybe that is where I need work now but the job was not available until January 2008 and since being in the Courtney/Comox shelter I had been in constant contact with the person who had offered me the job,  I still had  6 weeks to go before I could leave the island. I had asked the staff about an extension after my 4 weeks was up they said no problem because of my current circumstances  I was happy with that,  I, of course, had also explained the situation I was in so I had felt a sense of relief when they extended my stay for a bit longer, eventually a week into my last extension of my extra 2 weeks the counsellors had said that they wanted to speak with me and to come into their office so of course I’m nervous thinking the other shoe Is about to fall since  that seemed to happen to me all the time there I was found myself sitting in a chair with two workers looking at me I was nervous then I heard the words “We want you gone by tomorrow” I’m thinking what is going on here!!!!!
Nothing was ever explained to me about why the change and the unfortunate part for me was I had to practically beg on my knees to stay there talk about humiliation at its best so I had to leave  to leave the room and went to mine cried endlessly and praying like there was no tomorrow  and at this point I had no where else to go they eventually brought me back in the room and said you can stay till the end of the week instead of the original agreement that we had it was Tuesday and said I need to leave by friday so at this point I was extremely upset it was one week before christmas too I thought you bunch of useless people and more choice words which I wont mention here.
I started calling motels and came up with one in Victoria that was available right away and was speaking with the workers at the welfare office explaining my situation they said they would get back to me they never did so come friday I had packed all my things as best I could and had called the motel back in Victoria they had room, however, yet another hurdle to deal with…. the room was 600/month and welfare refused to give me anymore than $300 for the month which includes groceries,  bus pass etc got the runaround and finally said “If you don’t help me I will be talking to the press” within minutes there was a Case worker on the phone with me and  the result was I did not get $300 but rather I think it was $1100 although I did not need that much and not that I am complaining. I think it was given to me to shut me up so I would not go to the press  and the day finally arrived when I had to leave  and  I told the staff at shelter what I thought of them you can only imagine what I said and let me tell you I gave it to them with both barrels at that point I really didn’t care.
Some other things that happened to me while being in that shelter I have some digestive problems and sometimes unable to eat they had some ensure which is something that I sometimes use as a nutritional supplement and upon arriving in shelter had explained that I needed some due to my stomach problems and sometimes unable to eat counsellors told me  that they keep it in a separate cupboard for people who need it I had asked for one and they refused me after just explaining why I had to have it.
This is the shelter that I stayed at back in 2008 things may have changed in the women’s shelter since then but then again some things are not always what they seem either.
 Here is the link to the shelter that I stayed at

My thinking tank is the bathtub


Well, It Is Saturday today and as the title says yes indeed I do have many thoughts going through my head when I relax in the bathtub, and today I came up with some startling revelations it’s almost like a lightbulb when on in my head let your mind be free anyways, someone once told me that my life was not a book but rather, a dictionary so i have now come up with the idea of writing a book named “Life’s trials and tribulations a true life story” I now feel that because of my life’s experiences I will be able to help others in similar situations and perhaps be an inspiration to others as well which I have been told several times in my life.
There will be many chapters and some of the chapters that I will touch on and talk about are:
1 Marriage.. and yes it can be a blessing however it can also be a nightmare
2 Life in low-income housing
3 I was a miracle child
4 In laws..my mother once told me “when you get married you don’t just marry that person you marry “the entire family”
5 Abuse.. yes the subject that women don’t like to talk about because they feel ashamed to and the effects as well as the types of abuse
6.The struggle to be accepted by others
7. The struggle for survival living from shelter to shelter
11 Inspirational quotes and some of the ways to keep yourself sane
12 My 2 sets of twins.. yes was pregnant 2x with 4 children
13 Homelessness and being judged
14 My passion for animals and their impact on me
As I will be remembering traumatic events in my life which will entail emotional turmoil and becoming very tired which really is nothing new to me but all the same emotional as I progress through my big project I am sure I will be adding new chapters.

Spend money go saturday shopping


Ok, so your probably wondering why  I categorized this entertainment when I’m actually going shopping today, I guess my entertainment Is shopping. I just finished my last blog entry and starting todays blog entry at 3AM I am not very happy that I am not be able to sleep as I am so tired the next day and honestly don’t feel well. It’s quiet down here In the lounge now with no drama!!  and I finally got to bed at 4AM was up by 11AM.
It has been so far an experience living here in Manitoba Housing seriously, I have become very annoyed with men in the building lately as I have been propositioned 4 times and getting really mad and ready to tell off a few of them.
Anyways some bad news today the guy Mike that I was telling you about that Lana did CPR on well turns out he Is In a comatose state now in the St Boniface hospital, you know In a 55 plus building you can pretty much expect anything to happen.
So I went out shopping today and picked up some last-minute stuff for dinner picked up a turkey and some extra potatoes and have already put In the turkey on 250 until tomorrow night around 6 PM, I also popped over to the St Vital Mall and grabbed some chinese  as I was doing so I then began to re-evaluate a few things such as people who I used to know In shelter they both have my number and both have never called me I have called them on several occasions with no return call so I have all but given up on them  I am very disappointed.
I am very reluctant as of late with people and sick and tired of getting the run around, lies, deceit, and taking me for a ride every which way so from now on If people want to get to know me they will have to show Interest I am no longer going to go out of my way for anyone unless they prove worthy of my friendship.
Looking back now I have realized that I was a people pleaser well, I am pleased to say not no more it took a year of counselling at the shelter I just left to realize It, and the days of mind manipulation, power and control, and telling me what to do are over I am finally standing up for my rights where before I did not I was to nice to people had not set my boundaries and Glenda who was the Executive Director of the shelter that I was in at the time always said to me “Look at the source” so now I am really going to start paying more attention
Looking back I am so grateful and thankful that I came to Winnipeg, Manitoba and went into this shelter my thanks to Glenda and all the staff they have been a blessing to me in more ways than one and actually brought me much closer to god so it was also a real spiritual awakening for me and although I do not have many material things they don’t really matter much to me because it is all about how you live your life and your level of faith that is of importance and not the material things that matter most.
When I was at the mall ready to leave and was at the bus stop waiting for the 55 St Anne’s this guy was yelling at this girl I am to assume that they were boyfriend/girlfriend anyway the guy called her a bad name which I won’t mention here  it took all my strength to refrain myself from going over there to tell him off and treat the woman with respect anyway they got on the bus she had her head down (my heart went out to her) and was sitting middle of the bus when he sat down to and started in on her again freaking out he kept insulting her thank god the bus had finally left the mall and so did he she was beside herself crying so I went over to see her to try to comfort her as I know how It feels to be alone and take on abuse and told her she did not have to take that she in turn said to me I know I know.
I really hope and pray that this girl makes the right decision and leaves that scumbag If he would have hit her I would have taken him on myself and I’m not afraid to either, no man will ever again Intimidate me ever and If I see abuse of any kind to human or animals I will have no problem stepping In.

A marriage made in hell


Throughout the course of my life when living at home and up until I left home I had very high self-esteem and knew how to be assertive felt really good about myself and then there was my first serious relationship ( I shall call him Stephen).
 
I had been dating him for about 2-3 years he was treating me well for example flowers, candy, being affectionate, dinners, movies you name It he would do anything for me to make me happy up until I got married then so many things changed.
 
Stephen became very abusive and  began to disrespect me In so many different ways,  It began in a suttle nature with Insults, punching walls, making comments about other women saying “wow” she’s hot! or words to that effect and making me feel Inferior and not In the least bit Important.
 
The there was the sex when It came to sex not only was I starting to feel like a sex object but my self-esteem took a real beating.  Stephen became very overbearing, controlling, abused me not only of a physical nature but sexually and emotionally,  he made me give him oral sex and cumming In my mouth which I found really disgusting and gagged every time he didn’t care he also forced me to have anal sex which really made me very uncomfortable not only that It was also very painful and needless to say I was glad when it was all over.
 
I told him that I would not do It again and told him my reasons but that did not seem to matter to him and now that I was married I felt locked into this marriage and did not think that I could get divorced It was much more difficult back then to a divorce unless you were literally being threatened with your life,  so I lived a life of this for just under 2 years my self-esteem and assertiveness went right down the toilet and emotionally I started to become a basket case feeling so Isolated, unwanted, unloved, used, you name It I felt It.
 
I also had in-laws that for some reason just could not stand me and had to interfere with everything in our life which made things even more difficult to the point where I told Steve we were moving to the west coast having tried so very hard to have them accept me but in the end I would not conform to what they wanted so they never accepted me .
 
 I had no one to talk to feeling so alone not knowing what to do I could not tell my parents as my mom just had a reoccurrence of cancer and dad having had a double bypass I was not about to tell my parents just could not bring myself to put my parents through that and at that time I had no Idea that there were shelters available.
 
 The abuse with Stephen It started with Insults as a joke, being out for dinner and him looking at other women while he was with me eating dinner at the table and making It obvious which I find very disrespectful and actually remember another time when one night he took me to a fancy restaurant we were walking down 5th avenue In Calgary on a saturday night believe It was the Westin Hotel we were going to have dinner,  when a hooker approached him right In front of me and propositioned him not only was I pissed off but was ready to pound her to the pavement.
 

My rights as a person and mistaken traditional assumptions


Hello everyone:
 
I have decided that today I will talk about having rights as a person versus mistaken traditional assumptions, all to often we assume things and being a part of society have heard many mistaken traditional assumptions only to find out that It Is not necessarily true here are a few of them:

 

  • Mistaken traditional assumption It is selfish to put our needs first before others needs.
  • My rights I have the right to put myself first..this Is something that I have just started doing over the last few months as I am so used to not even thinking about myself.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption It’s shameful to make mistakes we need to have an appropiate response for every occasion.
  • My rights Well considering we do not live In a perfect world we all have the right to make mistakes as no one is perfect.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption If we can not convince others that our feelings are reasonable then our feelings must be wrong.
  • My rights I have the right to be the judge of my feelings and feel that they are legitimate,  all through my life and my relationships my feelings have been minimized It seemed that unless I felt the same way as others did I was led to believe that I am over exagerating and that It was never a big deal and told to just “get over It”.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption We should respect views of others especially so If they are In a position of authority we should keep opinions to ourselves
  • My rights Oh boy this one is huge for me, due to past experiences the way It was even without people that were In a position of authority I would not disagree with others of course within reason simply because I did not want people to make my life harder than It already was and It was also an acceptance thing so I have realized now that I do have a right to have my own opinions and convictions no matter what anyone says although It does not mean that others have to agree.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption We should always be logical and consistent.
  • My rights Although I am logical most of the time when I get very upset and angry my sense of logic goes right out the window and try to be consistent most of the time as well.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption We should be flexible and adjust. Others  have good reasons for their actions and not polite to question them.
  • My rights I do have the right to protest what I do not like, treatment, critisism and the like anything that does not feel good to me regardless of what others think.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption We should not ask questions as It reveals stupidity to others.
  • My rights I do have the right as well as anyone else to ask for clarification If I do not understand something this does not mean that I am stupid which I thought for so many years and now I really dont care what others think of me to my way of understanding now If a person asks questions It means that the person has an Interest In the subject.
  • Mistaken tradional assumption Things could get even worse so dont rock the boat.
  • My rights For many years I believed this thats why I became a people pleaser but have now come to realize over time that I do have the right to negotiate for change even If I do rock the boat I have since realized that although people might not like what I have to say I do have the right to freedom of speech It Is part of our charter of rights and freedoms.
  • Mistaken traditonal assumption We should not take up others valuable time with our problems.
  • My rights We all have the right to ask for help or emotional support all throughout my life I have been told not to bother them with my Issues and problems and really getting sick and tired of people telling me to just “get over It” In my opinion If someone comes to you and pours their heart out to you they want/need to have a listening ear In my case all I ever really wanted was someone to listen to me and give me some kind of emotional support or even a hug could have made all the difference to me and after reading my life story you will know why.
  • Mistaken traditonal assumption Other people do not want to hear that you feel bad, so keep It to yourself.
  • My rights I do have the right to feel and express all of my pain, most of the reason why I write In my blog is so that I can express all of that because other people In my past that I have tried to reach out to have not wanted to hear how I have felt and am not a stranger to the fact that others have minimized the ways that I have felt.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption Knowing that you did something well is Its own reward people dont like showoffs. Successful people are secretly disliked and envied. Be modest when complimented.
  • My rights I do have the right to recieve recogntion for all my hard work and achievements thats one thing I like to have is recognition for a job well done I welcome that anytime recogntion for me Is very Important more than likely because I have been so used to put downs since I left home from people In my relationships, and Inlaws.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption We should always try to accomodate others. If we dont they wont be there when we need them.
  • My rights I have the right to say “no” I struggled with this up until I left Alpha House being the people pleaser that I once was, all I ever did was accomodate others and get treated like shit and betrayed In return well Im pleased to say not no more.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption Dont be anti-social with people as they will think that you dont like them If you say that you would rather be alone Instead of with them.
  • My rights I have the right to be alone even If others would prefer my company, for the longest time I had thought the mistaken traditional assumption and actually cared what others thought of me and was sociable even though I did not want to be and now If I want my space I say so and dont care what others think because my real friends will understand and accept It.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption You should always have a good reason for what you feel and do.
  • My rights We all have a right to not to have to justify ourselves to other people, I have struggled with this for many many years, I finally after later In life to find out that I justified myself to others as a  way of people trying to accept me needless to say It didnt work and bit me In the ass years later so now I no longer justify myself or my actions to others eithier they like me or they dont.
  • Mistaken traditonal assumption When someone is In trouble we should always help them.
  • My rights I have the right not to take on someone elses responsibilty for somone elses problem well this one was tough for me because what I do Is just automatically help others no matter what however since I have slowed down In life I have my own problems to worry about and about the best that I can do for others now is to give some good wise advice from my own lifes experiences shoud I have any for them and It will be their choice If they take It or not.
  • Mistaken traditional assumption Its not nice to put people off , If questioned, give an answer.
  • My rights We all have the right to choose not to respond to a given situation….many years ago I used to worry constantly about doing such a thing always thought that I had to answer If questioned about something should not put people off and now I have realized no matter what a person does, thinks or speaks It is the other persons choice on how they respond.

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